1 and a half months of new life.... while its only 2 months to go for another big step...

So here i am... sitting down in my small room in Kerteh. 

a bit cramped up compared to my previous life, and there are nights where i wake up in the middle of the night seeing a cockroach crawling joyfully just beside my pillow while i sleep... causing me to sleep with a small torchlight and a cockroach aerosol repellent by my side. 

it's not exactly the life i was expecting... but to be honest... its different and the fact that i get to see my lovely pregnant wife every week beats any roach that would like to take that away from me (spoken with a vengeance). 

like my lovely friend Ati always mention in her blog "of those KL drivers i dont get" and i'm compelled to mention one here. Being in Bintulu, i tend to drive chilled out. average speed 80 - 90 km/hr and a speed of which i know most people average out in Bintulu. the roads are terrible at times with potholes just ambush you from nowhere like a sinkhole in Chile. 

But when i started to drive here... if there is one thing i dont get... why do people drive here at average speed 110 - 120 km/hr in KERTEH & PAKA only. Reasons not to drive that fast:-

1. Seriously people, its only Kerteh and Paka. There's only one freaking main road. You either drive up or down to work. no curves, no turns, nothing. and vice versa when you're heading home. ONE MAIN ROAD. What's the freaking rush??

2. Seriously people, the roads are amazingly smooth, no idiots who stop in the middle of the highway to pick up passengers, why drive so carelessly?? 

3. Seriously people, I've heard of random animals (huge one, ie:- cows and wild boars) crossing the main road. it sure sucks to hit them at a speed 100 km/hr or more. so why drive so aggressively?

other than that, working is a bliss so far. and i dont wanna jinx it. motivation is such at a high level i can't even care much what others say about this place. I'm loving it so far. and having an established movie theater just 2 minutes drive for my place.... nuff said. 

2 more months....

Well... if there is one thing i havent mentioned in my writings so far... I'm going to be a father. and yes... only 2 months to go. 

there are times when i look at the mirror, or when im driving, while listening to Foo Fighters, Bob Marley, or Beastie Boys, it makes me wonder what kind of dad i'm gonna be. My wife's pretty chilled about it, which is good. I bought some books for her, and read some. while for myself, i bought "Dude, you're gonna be a Dad" as i thought the language spoke to me. 

i keep wondering, am i financially stable and prepared for my baby to come to this world? 

or is this world even stable as it is for my baby to come to this world? There are times that's going through my head to tell my wife to just hold the baby in for a little while until the world gets better... 

but in reality... it doesnt. and love it or not, its something coming... and all i can do i teach my child to be a great loving, motivated individual. 

will i be a great dad? i sure hope so. and i also found out that i'll be having a baby girl. and then, it hit me. and slowly... i understood... why Dad's are so protective of their little girls. i know im just stretching it, but i've already imagined boys oogling while i make that grumpy Dad face, or whenever she introduces a boy to both my wife and i at our home, i'm so urged to say "wait a minute honey, let me get my machete from our room". 

i've met people who've said, "The biggest change in my life was not the being married part, the biggest change in my life was when i had my first child". and in this case, i'm starting to really feel it. 

I do still wonder what do people think when they take look at me and find out i'm gonna be a dad. the guy with the spiked hair, cargo shorts, and his surfer tshirts. weirdly, i dont care. all i care is the unlimited love im giving to my little girl and the mother who's carrying it. 

Dear Daddy's little girl, 

(in my Sabah accent), Daddy doakan both your Mama and I akan jadi great parents to you and that you'll grow up jadi urang yang baik, cerdik, and contribution to Islam & society. Amin.

4 months....


Well, its final. I've gotten my letter and i will be leaving for Terengganu by End of June. Feelings? Mixed.

I remember watching How I Met Your Mother this latest season and one of the things that they mentioned before the point of resigning, or leaving something for something new, majority of people go through as what's called the "Graduation effect". The effect mainly causes some nostalgic feelings and at times makes you nervous to move to somewhere new and sometimes to the point of on the verge of changing your mind.

That's what's happening to me lately. Once I held the letter, I was even having some nostalgics looking at the shrubs beside my office; of which i think is superbly idiotic. But then the great thing is, lucky for me, there's so many idiotic drivers here and the roads are just sooooo messed up! everytime i bump into either of these, i do feel much better.

Other things i did tell myself about this new place, well despite the drive is about 4hrs away from KL, the great thing about it, my wife is just a drive away. And it'll be easier to start my own family insya Allah.

Well, weekend? what weekend? Terengganu's weekend falls on Friday and Saturday. Sure, i'll never get used to this, but you know what, when i drive back to KL on Thursday, i'll be able to have the whole working day on Friday in KL and then maybe i can focus on my writings (suuure... i say that a lot, but well, let's just try).

Where i'll be working, they dont have great Jungle Trekking sites nor do they have a mini stadium for me to jog safely and comfortably on the nice red running track. Despite all that, they did say there's one hill where it is a nice run. Also, i am kinda hoping there's a mini gym where i'll be working. if not, either way, i might be joining the gym at the local club.

Martial arts... well im pretty much into martial arts. I think there's Taekwondo, but i'm definitely not into it. too robotic. There's no Aikido, pretty much the one that i'm into, so what do i do? I heard there's Silat Gayong, but i dont know, after leaving that more than 10 yrs ago (shaitss!! that perspective makes me feel old!), my only option would probably be to attend a class in KL on Fridays or Thursdays at least once a month. There's Capoeira close to where we currently live in PJ, that might help a bit.

4 hours traveling time from Kerteh to KL? well let's see, if i work in Bintulu, check in an hour before, go on the flight, reach there, if i have bags, then i usually take the bus or the train to KL which is almost another hour. So? that's a total of 4hrs too! well sure, traveling time is more or less the same, but i guess its a cheaper... then i did some calculation. Assuming i'm driving back and forth every weekend, with toll and fuel, back and forth (does not include my normal fuel consumption to work and back), i found out that the total cost for me is roughly RM640 permonth! that's even more expensive than flying to KL from Bintulu. but wait! i just found out a lot of people drive out on Thursday, and yes, they give rides, and you pitch in. So, cost optimization on that side. so yeay!

from my initial judgement, Kerteh seems like such a better place than Bintulu. Mainly on the cost of living (i found a room that's RM80/month, but was also told its crazy small, so gonna keep on looking) and also with the new Mesra Mall, there's Starbucks, Secret Recipe, and most of all, GSC/TGV (i dont know which) there! and its new too!! so? YEAY!! Big point there for a movie geek like me.

One of the things was that, insya Allah, a great thing is gonna happen this year and praying for the best of it. and i got a feeling, that's the biggest reason why i'm moved to Kerteh. Sure, it might not be KL, but well, it's closer... somewhat.

Laters!

Taken....


Well, i was sitting down mellowing once in a while, and at times, i feel that the peak of my youth has been robbed of me because of where i am.

But as much as i wanna complain, i know for a fact there's a reason and my dad keep telling me to recollect where you are now and compare it to those you know who are less fortunate. as much as i'd hate to admit it... he is true and that im in a love hate rship with this place. oh well.

Mega Disaster....


As most of you know, about a month ago, Japan was hit by a mega quake of 9 Rich which implicated to a tsunami which then caused another hazardous disaster of the nuclear plant in which, sadly, is still in the process of recovering and sadly, may never recover.

For a country that's been experiencing tsunamis since we can ever remember, and has come up with numerous interventions & emergency action and response to such a situation, they've lost about 11 thousand to date with 17 thousand still reported missing.

its sad and at the same time eerie on how powerful and amazing the disaster was and it got me thinking (of which i ended up dreaming). if it ever happened close to our shore, of which, im obviously praying that it may never, how are we ever going to mitigate or at least minimize such impact? i was discussing one time with my fellow colleagues on what did they do upon the warning that was given to them, and they all said they were flabbergasted and didnt even know how to react if such incident does happen.

the scarier fact that i work in one of the most hazardous place in the country which can then cause major implication to the nation if such tragedy happen (only slightly smaller scale as compared to a nuclear plant). it really does scare me. and what scares me more is how our country still seem a bit ignorant in developing such plans and mitigations should such things happen, and the fact that the aftershock quakes are starting to happen close to home, ie:- Philippines and Myanmar around 5-6 Rich.

i dreamt that i was stuck in a building after pushing everyone to leave when such incident happen. luckily i woke up before knowing whatever happened to me. to be honest, i dont think id wanna know. some inception thing i wouldnt ever want to learn of. at this point however, all i can ever think of are the safety of those people i love so much in my life.

here's a short fact, the tsunami that happened is an normal sized tsunami which is about 10 meters highs reaching the speed of 800km/hr. seeing how the cars that were driving unknowingly on the road of their coming fate as such disaster happen was very very heart wrecking.

however, scientist are saying that the 10 Rich earthquake has yet to happen, and there's thing called the Mega Tsunami or another one that's called a Meteosunami or sumthing? the waves can go up to 500 - 800 meters caused by major landslides or meteor falling to earth. speed? i have no idea. and in this modern times, it did happen a number of times and one of them was in Alaska (google it up) but thankfully enough, due to the remote area of the location, only two individuals died.

if we're not prepared for the 10 meters ones, are we even prepared for a 500 meters?

all in all, life's too short to be bitter all the time and hold a grudge. i guess being positive is important, as long as we dont piss others at the same time.

Gnites

Food for thought....


Well yesterday i was at a local restaurant about to pay for my bill when i saw on the counter something that really caught my eye. something called "Kismis Doa", or "Blessed Raisins". Actually i've seen this on the same counter numerous times only up until yesterday my thoughts started processing it (because before this i was just too busy to notice).

i've learned about this so called "Kismis Doa" since i was in secondary school. but instead of calling it kismis doa, they just call it kismis. we were given in a talk that raisins are a good supplmentary for B-Complex which enhance the thinking process of a brain (i guess?). well, being young and gullible, we took it in and succumb to the idea. back then though, i just bought California raisins.

then wham bam 15 years later (damn im that old), some genius came up with kismis doa. so here comes my thought process... what was the difference with me consuming the normal california raisins? is it because there's a pretty woman on the box? wait a minute, that's a different brand. that's Raisin Brand. California Raisin is where there's a bunch of grapes with deep black voices and sing awesome motown.

anyway, so what's the difference? sure, it's blessed per say? so does its supposed to enhance better then the other normal raisins? wait a minute, lets go back to where the raisins are processed. vineyard, grape, dried, same like normal raisins but unlike others, there another step which is the Doa stage.

here's some intriguing questions
1. a normal nice person with reciting a short prayer for a california raisins, and eating it.
2. a disturbing individual, naughty, messed up, your typical juve, eating the kismis doa.

are you saying that'll change the messed up juve? or are you saying the normal nice person, who says at least the standard Bismillah on his raisins before consuming it will BE the messed juve kid and in turn switching places?

and i think, blessed things should not be sold.... unless they're a wooden stake to be driven into a vampire's heart. am i wrong to think that way? the main concern is Vitamin B complex in the raisins right? why such a person wants to make money that way? and what kinda person buys one anyway? i got a feeling that a lot of people are with me on this one. i believe prayers make a difference, but the ones that are sincere, free, and most of all, if it comes from yourself that has value (aside our parents and loved ones).

till next time....

Twist!!

oh how much is my life a twist. previously, i went to an interview, super awesome about 4 hours drive still away from my wife, but i'd take it either way. Reason being:-

1. Well, it's 4 hrs DRIVE away. things are still in my control.
2. Despite having less pay due to some allowances removed, i was actually very excited no matter what because i've told myself to start new.

yes... i told myself, what ever the situation, i would want to a fresh start. new motivation. and i accepted. not long after i returned from peninsular, next thing i know, i got another offer (actually two of which i turned down one because it didnt attract me as much). this time, the offer was a project of my own field. the catch is, i still have to be further away from my wife. which is about 2.5hrs flight away. just a bit more than Bintulu. nevertheless... this place has so much mooooore frequent flights to KL. where's the posting i'm talking about? none other than, Kota Kinabalu.

Yes... after almost 17 years being away from Sabah, and being most of the time, either a) tourist b) a lost visitor, there's a huge possibility that i'll be back there again. yes, despite the distance, i've discussed this with dayana and we both agreed that it's best for my career and if i do well, moving to KL after wont be much of a problem. plus, she has more meetings in KK than she has in Bintulu. verdict: if this really happens, then, KK, here i come.

what's not to love? living by the beach, staying with your parents that you havent caught up for a while, making new Sabahan friends, and working out to the max on my favorite jog spot. Yes... oh Allah please let it come true.

i've yet to post my pictures in my recent visit to vietnam. will do when i get the chance =).

have a great week ahead... yeaaaaay monday! ( i can hear almost the 70% of the country's population crying deeply inside).

i'll leave you with a super great video

i bet if i could sing and play the guitar like this, dayana would think im the most sexy man ever... after already being sexy. yes i am.

Frustration again...?

I met up with my boss this morning for a short chit chat and i inquired to him about my recent job interview somewhere in Peninsular.

Not to my surprise, he said that yes, i am releasable, however, maybe i wont be able to move in time for the April thing. "mungkin October kot?" he said. ended with a "kot" just made my knees weak again. i smiled my weak awkward smile, left and feeling completely rejected again for God knows how many times in my life when it comes to job applications. i used to remember, before all this, my only fear of rejection was from meeting up with girls. oh how mistaken i was then.

i just hope, if it really will be October, my management wont change their mind. i'm just tired you know? lonely and tired. next thing you know, they'd go "i'm sorry, we have great plans for you here" of which i'm praying that it wont be the case. id probably jump off a bridge.

i'm just really tired.

i miss KK and yet despite having my offdays on weekends next month, i'm unable to go. because some geniuses decided that they do all this simultaneous trainings and have people who rarely see their family become just further disengaged from them. to think they've learnt their lesson in coordination for the past years... every year.

Artist at work....


So there's this goat you know... over the hills, and he was like smoking some shit there...

next thing i know, we were laughing at a cow...

then came a huge bear....

we scrambled and ran stumbling down,

finally bumping into a wild hare,

then we were all laughing again wearing a crown,

that jack broke unaware....

jill came and found the goat, the cow, jack, myself and the stupid hare

laughing again and still smoking some shit there....

PDA....

sometimes, once in a while, people do PDA. yes, it's sickening to most, but sometimes, i guess we just kinda want to let it out.

However, doing it all the time, on your facebook, on your blog, on your twitter is just mad ridiculous. once a week sure.

and also, dont baby talk with all the symbols and shit. there's thing called "personal text messaging", "email" and a "fucking bedroom".

simple PDA is acceptable. peck on the lips/cheek = OK. Not tonguing or continuous touchy feeling. Simple messages would suffice. again... not every fucking day or some of those more chronic ones, every 5 fucking minutes.

btw... i have the most adorable loving wife. thank you.

Sucks....

it's a Friday night....

1. I'm working tomorrow

2. I'm still doing some work right now despite being sleepy because i need to touch up on my subordinates' evaluation. sucks to know that they're actually supposed to do this themselves, but apparently, here in this company, it's ok to do work FOR your subordinates because if you dont the higher powers will be pissed off at you. 

3. Sucks to know that when i'm doing this, and if they do get their merit, if you're lucky, 10% would come and say thank you. if not, give it 5%. 

4. I miss my wife and life 's fucking empty and demotivating without having her around. 

have a great fuckin weekend guys. 

Bull season....

Well it's the end of the financial year again, and hail the end of year evaluation season. i'm not gonna say much, but i guess this is a difficult season for both the boss and subordinate. 

Subordinate because some of them dont really enjoy listening to the truth why they just dont deserve it. 

Boss because, face it, it's not easy giving "feedback" to your employees the management way, and having someone not liking you and you know is gonna talk shit about you to your co-workers in the most unprofessional way which can eventually turn your life into a living hell. 

either way, all i can remind everyone, act professionally. 

Spend this... Not that!

Right, i have some wish list that i have yet to fulfill. but one of those things that after you spent it, you go... 

"what the fuck did i just spend on?"

one thing i would like to say that i'm not proud of spending on, but i know i want it so bad would be my very very new... Playstation 3. the games are ridiculously expensive, and the main reason i had to buy it because my life here in Bintulu has gotten lamer and lamer. if i do not get that PS3, seriously, my life would get more empty. 

but then there's like other things that i really want to spend on, like, a Desktop? new set of lens for my camera? this is not cool at all. if only i was so rich. great, now im totally talking like a little child wishing he had shitloads of money and spend on 1000 ice-creams for himself. sad. 

Decisions....

Well, next monday will be another interview session that i'll be going through. the thing is, this time around it's gonna be in Kertih instead of in KL where i really want to be. 

but i was talking to my dad for advice last nite, for his prayers and restu. one thing he did tell me, 

"Abang, sit down and think about it deeply, dont be too sad of your current life. think about of how bad it could have been if you are not where you are now, and think of those friends in your past life who did not have as much opportunity as you did. motivate yourself, and pray for the best". 

it's been the most difficult 5 years of my life i have to admit. it has not been easy. but after what my dad said, i may have just ended up ignoring what i've always had. if i didnt end up working here, i'd maybe not end up working at all or just working somewhere that probably wont give me the life i have now (despite the fact that its more working for the money). most of all, id probably wont have known my wife and ended up with psycho miserable person with endless drama. 

i guess, if i really do get this movement to Kertih, sure, it's still 4 hours away from my wife, and sadly, much further from my parents, but things do happen for a reason. i'm hoping there will be new opportunities there, and there will be a new set of motivation to make me a better person. if i do get this transfer, i really need to fight to be better and at least as studious as i was back when i was in high school. i need it back badly. 

well... i guess, the conclusion to the last entry is basically hoping that not only for me, but for everyone out there, what you really want may not come true. when if it doesn't dont give up hope ever. and just delve into something new, make new dreams and make yourself a better person as a whole. i know this is way positive shit, but i have to. this is for me. come on irfan. be a better man. 

Clutter....


i've been in this place now coming to my sixth year. currently im so sick but i cant afford to take annual leaves. there's so many weddings i have to go to this year, it involves me traveling from here on this damn island to KL so many times. which in turn, costs more money.

im sitting in my dark room with one light wondering when will i be able to move on to a new place and really pack my things properly so i can store them again properly in a nice permanent place.

my friends are slowly resigning from the company, and some are transferred, which eventually leaves me alone here uninspired. this cant be. i've always wondered as a kid, things only get better when you get older. less depressing and shit. but no, actually it can in turn be worse if you dont play your cards right. so right now, im holding to my cards, waiting for the right time to fold and leave the table to a new one. however, right now, im still stuck.

sometimes its so hard to believe that my room is now stuffed with 6 years worth of shit in here. i dont put my books and all other nice stuff i have out in the living room because its a room i rent with 3 other guys. if it was a house that i stay with my wife, sure, why not.

basically, right now, im always wondering, when will my cards turn up, or at least when will it be the right time for me to fold and leave and sit on a new table.

Drugged....
i've been literally sick for the past 2 weeks that its ridiculous. my throat hurts and ive been stuffing myself with random meds i dont even know what the effect will be. i got an antibiotic that smells so bad like rotten egg. why or pharmacist why must your create such capsule? cant you create a capsule that tastes like oreos? at least it'll make me wanna swallow more of the meds.

you know you got a good set of meds when you wake up from sleep, and you're walking to get a drink, and during all that, you're feeling like you're floating and at anytime you can fall, but you're not. great feeling, but shitty feeling because it makes me break with cold sweats.

worse thing is, im working tomorrow and my job consists of me running around at the field managing people and getting things in control. if i cant do that, then fuck me what the fuck am i doing at work?

Witty... or not so witty?

i'm not so sure if i have any witty thoughts for now. oh wait here goes.... wait... nope its gone. i had one but its unoriginal. well, talk about relationships. how bruno mars say, he'd catch a grenade for the girl?

first of all, why is the girl being thrown a grenade at in the first place? 

second, is it that easy to get a grenade for someone to throw at people just because they dont like them? where is this? Colombia? Afgan?

third, my close friend got punched unnecessarily by a group of idiots because they werent satisfied the girl one of them likes preferred my friend. people kept asking "so was she worth it?". well, i guess she must be. because if she isnt, then dude, you've just set the bar for the next girl so high. professing your love will be difficult. now you might really have to jump in front of the bus or really catch that grenade so they wont go saying

"you got punched for her! what would you do for me? hah? hah?"

and come back to Bruno, yes, if you're already catching that damn grenade, it doesnt work out, what is it gonna be like for the next girl? hug a nuclear bomb? my friends, the lesson here is, start small. catch a tossed crumpled paper for a start. at least it's subtle.....

These are not the droids you're looking for....

Well i had this thought in my head about 2 weeks so here goes. Last two weeks during my monthly conjugal visit to my wife, on a fine Saturday morning we had breakfast together at this place called "Village Park" in Uptown at Damansara. For those who dont know, great place for nasi lemak.

So my wife and i had some kuih along with our meal and one of them consists my favorite kuih kacang. So as i've already munched and finished with mine due to being famished (another professional word for glutton), my wife was still savoring hers and somehow, mysteriously left a tiny crumb of the kuih kacang, of which I thought she didnt want. So being the oh so loving husband i am, i savored (another polite word for gobble) the crumb.

Coincidentally she was not looking when i did that, of course which was not my intention at all, and next thing you know, she was asking,

"Sayang, where's my kuih?"

Immediately, after having disposed the evidence, i didnt know what to do but somehow a defense mechanism occurred. and the conversation went somewhat like this:-

Wife: Where's my piece of kuih?


Me: huh? What kuih?


Wife: Did you eat it?


Me: huh? eat what kuih?


Wife: the small piece of kuih on this plate...


Me: huh? What kuih?


Wife: takde kuih ke tadi? (there was no kuih earlier on the plate?)


Me: huh?

and then she was quite and changed the topic and stared far in the distance. At that moment... i thought i might have been a Jedi. I wanted to tell the world,

"Men, we have found women's weakness, like Obi Wan, we only need to answer a question, with a question!"

yes... i may have found the solution....

However... less than 5 minutes after, i found out women has another set of Jedi powers when she looked at me all weird. not weird weird. but laughing borderlining with pissed off, if you didnt tell her what actually happened to the kuih. and of course, i said i ate it. my wife might be a Jedi.

Sorry men, apparently we have yet truly interpreted Obi-Wan's method. Maybe next time ok? next time... "What droids? These are not the droids you're looking for"

Laters 2010, Hello 2011....


Well... same time NYs in 2009, i was spending it lying on the bed in Bintulu, alone staring at the ceiling while "listening" to the fireworks roaring the skies. This year i was spending it still in Bintulu, alone, watching Van Helsing on HDTV. Do i sense improvement? oh yes i think i do... (smirking and showing two thumbs up despite the sad tears flowing down my cheek).

As i was driving off for my second breakfast this morning, i started thinkin of the first day of my 2011. Why not a simple journal of 2011 engineer Log style?

0712hrs - woke up thinking how it blows with the fact that i couldnt even try to stay asleep past 0800hrs is sad

0730hrs - turned on TV and watched family guy & simpsons

0800hrs - browsed through ppls new year's greetings on FB and thinkin how some of them are so lame and if not, sad.

0815hrs - wanted to pee... but there's simpsons is being really funny on TV

0830hrs - still watching TV

0845hrs - i went "the fuck?" i forgot to pee... this time i really went

0900hrs - made myself oats and a bowl of fruits.

0910hrs - eating and watching Family Guy on TV

0930hrs - got a text from a friend to have bfast out.

0940hrs - still watching despite not having showered

0959hrs - showered and watching TV msging my friend - i'm "on my way". horrible person i am.

1002hrs - i'm really on my way

1005hrs - first song im listening to on radio in 2011 is Fresh Prince's "Boom Boom Shake the Room" and thinking how catchy the song is.

1010hrs - Saw a super drunk Indon guy walking in the middle of the road causing unsafe driving and i went thinkin "damn, he must've had a hell of a new year's night to end up across the border and looking like shit".

1013hrs - had my 2nd bfast which consists of Roti Canai cheese and bland Kari ayam. well it's good. Had a conversation about work and the usual complains and wishin we were transferred back to KL

1115hrs - wanted to have my car washed. the shop's open, but when i was there, carwasherers (if there is such word) looked at each other and went, "i'm sorry we're closed". some NYs indeed.

1130hrs - went to Guardians to get soap. i went out of the shop with soap and floss.

1145hrs - checked out the most adorable cat at a pet store. thinking of hugging it till its eyes pop only to find the store owner jeering at me waiting to call up the gangsters just in case.

1151hrs - ran off the store politely before anything

1152hrs - got in my car and driving back home

1200hrs - feel pissed off on why the roads here in bintulu is just so fucking messed up.

1210hrs - stopped by Shell and got myself a Magnum icecream. oh yes... things are gonna get a little wiiiild.

1220hrs - at home thinking of what to do before my maid comes in

1230hrs - watching Inkheart on HDTV while writing this blog. yes, i have to tell ya'll that i watch in HDTV all the time coz its just fucking awesome.

1300hrs - maid comes in and i'm thinking "damn ur late"

1330hrs - thinking of what to do for the next 11hrs to make my offday so much worth it.

1345hrs - some celebs just really do suck at giving thank you speeches in award ceremonies....

1350hrs - i wonder how does kristen stewart feel her "small co-star" wins awards and got her first Oscar nomination as compared to her? i guess "SHITTY" would summarize it

1404hrs - folding my dried-for-3-days-already and thinking... oh wait... Vanessa Hudgens on tv... she Hawt yo - i know i can say that confidently... coz she's over 18... oh yeah...

1408hrs - Jason Segel is funny... nerdly funny

1409hrs - shit... California girl SUCKS

1410hrs - thinking of getting a facial... my wife hates blackheads... since it's been a month and im craving for makeouts... why not have a gay moment for 1 hour

1411hrs - "California girl" sucks and oh Katy, did u realize u woke up orange? did u make out with an Oompa Loompa?

1430hrs - drove off thinkin of having KFC and talk like a viking alone... in public

1445hrs - looked for that facial shop. couldnt find it and decided that it wasnt worth paying 100 bucks for a gay moment. u know how cheap they can get. Oh suh-naaap

1500hrs - got some dvds instead... i loooove malaysia

1505hrs - making synthesizer sounds outloud while walking to your car spells You Are Weird by the public

1510hrs - on the road thinkin if i should get KFC... and decided not to. had a big breakfast damnit.

1540hrs - watching "The Knowing". I dont know if anybody noticed this before but Nicholas Cage has a superbly big forehead... either that or he's just balding... which brings to mind... poor Abe aka Hafiz Hatim of Flyfm.

1557hrs - just finished making out with my Magnum almond ice-cream. yummy. sigh... i miss my wife....

1615hrs - shit... im hungry

1631hrs - Abe aka Hafiz Hatim called. obviously we were talking shit and thought he talking about Marion Caunter when he actually wasnt. you suck Hafiz Hatim

1700hrs - wow... "The Knowing" really is a movie that kindaaaa gets ur attention, but kinda NOT, after 30minutes or so.. but u still leave it on anyway while u phase in and out. damn this is a long movie.

1712hrs - i dont understand why do they have to bring rabbits into the spacecraft? dont they know the term "fuck like rabbits"? and i definitely know there should be a term "poop like rabbits" too. they're soooo gonna have to clean loads of shit... literally. Aliens are stupid i guess....

1730hrs - sending maid back home. damn it so late. my plan to jog went poof just like that.

1735hrs - decided to get that KFC this time round.

1740hrs - getting a foot massage would be great i guess. oh no wait a minute... getting a bekam would be cooler coz i've never had one.

1831hrs - holy shit, what a coincidence. am eating KFC and the KFC Malaysia CEO is on news. damnit... i feel like he's judging me. i went through shit this month ok!! i deserve that Hot & Spicy and a break from my diet. stop judging me old man... stop judging me.... (turns away from the TV)

1840hrs - fuck im stuck watching E! THS on former Mickey Mouse Club. bloody hell... i hate u E!

1915hrs - watching russell peters while eating. now i feel chicken in my nose

2050hrs - finished with Russell Peters, now on to Sorcerer's Apprentice. havent watched it, ppl say it sucked but fuck it. that's why piracy's there.

2120hrs - shit... i fell asleep. rewind the movie. okeh 2120hrs. this i wont fall asleep.

2145hrs - shit... i fell asleep again. damn im definitely tired. maybe i should watch TV

2315hrs - fuck that didnt help. cleaned up the living room to sleep upstairs

2335hrs - brushing my teeth and realize my gums didnt bleed this time round unlike most of the time. well... it has been a good 2011 so far.

2346hrs - well... time to post this blog and sleep. gnite yall and hope you had a better start of 2011 than i did. but then again... i did have an awesome ME time. so... guess i purposely wanted to feel bored. HAH! gnite again!

2347hrs - zzzzz

the Preacher Man....

To those who really know me, they'd know that i'm definitely not the most religious person around. i've done things i'm not very proud, but to be honest, not a lot of those i truly regret. i remembered it being my choice and my choice only and also happy to know that unlike those who preach without knowing, at least i know what "bad" really is.

Well, i'm not about to preach about The Book, nor am i going to really preach, as who are we kidding, my writings could actually end up as a disaster or could actually end up as a masterpiece. either way, i know it's something that most of us Malaysians have been living with since, like, forever. and to be honest, it may have been slowly ticking like a bomb waiting for it to explode into pure angry writings and raising up my hand high up in the air and adding that one finger just to place the insult high up in the sky just to make my point.

what is it that ticks me off already? Us Muslims. what? offended? let me put this correctly... Us Malay Muslim. sorry... still offending. oh well. here's the thing, i'm definitely not referring to every single malay muslim out there. definitely not. i know some others who actually do share the same view as i do and please be reminded dear readers, this is my point of view. should you want to discuss, do it professionally and nicely.

so, here's the thing. i dont understand, why the Malay Muslims in this country are so isolated, are so silo within their own religion? they are just being stuck in a bubble without trying to make others understand what the essence of Islam or what the meaning of being Islam really is. I may not be the most religious guy, but I know I am proud of my religion. Must we be so insulting and so accosting towards others who dont share the same belief as us? Is that truly the way? You say "Dont do this, Dont do that, Never do this, Never do that" and the worst thing is, most of you just take those "Dos and Donts" from what you've heard but not researched. Isn't that already something wrong?

In surah Al Isra' 17:36, excerpt by Yusuf Ali,

And pursue not that of which thou hast no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (the Day of Reckoning)

Read and understand it. No, it doesnt mean that, if you dont know something, then dont do it. No, it means, if you dont know something, then, go find out more about it, understand it, research, absorb into it spiritually, all in all, to make you a better worshipper and most of all, for you to share the knowledge with everyone eventually. and if you dont make that effort, all that ignorance, not using what God has given to you, your eyes, your ears, your brain, YOU will be questioned.

Now why must I mention something like that? Readers, i think we are repelling non-muslims who can be interested in our religion away. Must the preachers be too negative all the time? "Dont do this or you'll burn in hellfire" someone would say. Dont they realize that Islam is such a wonderful religion and the book is written so perfectly that the religion is about peace, hope, being devoted and loving your religion. Why must we talk about the "Donts" most of the time? why can't we talk about the "Dos" more? won't that give a more positive view of our religion?

I read this article once, and it was basically about how a very prominent western figure came into embracing Islam. What caught my attention the most was when she mentioned

"Each Individuals' journey to Islam is their own".

No one could've actually explained it better concisely. You make a point to explore, understand it from different aspects, some people delve into the books to understand more about religion, some people will travel the world, to whatever countries despite religion, and if they are there, and see the wonders that has been put on this earth, they will absorb and feel what has He provided to all of us.

Never find it just within our community of Islam, the Malay Islam. Come on my friends, Islam is all over the world. Never find Islam just within a general Islamic community as well, in fact, if you mingle around with other religions, with other cultures, you start understanding more about the Book and create a bigger appreciation of your own religion and feeling thankful with what you have been blessed with.

The article writer also mentioned this,

"Don't hurry, Lauren. Just take it easy. Allah is waiting for you. Ignore those who tell you: you must do this, wear that, have your hair like this. Follow your instincts, follow the Holy Qur'an- and let Allah guide you."

Everyone has their own journey. Some have gone through shit and been brought back to be a better person. I've definitely seen who's so pious back then and suddenly turned completely messed up and gone astray of the world handed over to him. Take that journey, but also be wise, learn, and be passionate about it. and always come back to what is true.

To one point, some people in this country, even start thinking Islam as part of the Malay race only. Going to the mosque, some people condemning other races, and you go "yes, let's hate that race!". Are we supposed to grow to be so hateful? Some don't even know there are actually Chinese and Indian muslims out there in this country. I've heard some people shun the Chinese muslim from coming into the mosque, because they're chinese. dude, seriously, did you realize that the Chinese people learned about Islam waaaaaay before we did?? back when we still thought paganism was super cool then?

I wonder,why must we repel others and say "let's burn churches down because they etc etc etc!". Is lynch mobbing really the answer? wont it even more strengthen the already negative vibe of unnecessary attention that we are getting from the rest of the world saying we are a religion of hatred?? NO! we are a peaceful religion. Prove it to the world, prove it to your family, prove it to your friends, most of all, prove it to yourself.

My main point here my dear readers, why must we be so negative in promoting our own religion? why? why can't it be something that's more hopeful, something that's more inspiring, and not repel those who really are interested in learning our religion. Isnt sharing and discussing about your religion with others, be it informal or formal is still a form of Dakwah? Isnt wishing someone well wishes during their holidays gives them a comfort which then eventually make them feel,

"hey, i wanna wish him too during this festive season"

isnt that already some part of dakwah despite how minuscule the effect may be?

Always remember, Al Kafirun Surah 109 at the last passage,

109:6 "To you be your way, and to me, mine".

We have our religion and we are should hold on to it, no matter what lifestyle we may be or have gone through. Religion is a choice. If you want to believe in the force and pull a Luke Skywalker on me, fine, as long as I did my part in making you understand what i believe in.

Yes my dear readers, Islam is peaceful religion. Do not get it mistaken by the media, nor other words of mouth. and please dont get mistaken by one act of a person and immediately judge the whole religion. In fact, don't even think a person's race defines his religion.

I may have been rambling because i'm super sleepy, either way, my point is simple, find out more about Islam from the so many different sources available and reliable sources. Be polite and inquisitive to others so they too take that initiave to be as inquisitive on us as we did. 

till, then, laters ya'll and have a great happy holidays.

Its funny because its true....

Well i was at my aikido class today. Most of them in there i would say are pretty conventional men. So in class today there's a new guy. Its a first as well coz the guy is a chinese. This is interestin because its actually an aikido/silat class so there's a number of hardcore malays in there. What's also interesting is, of which i think no one in the class knows, is that the guy used to be a "she". Lucky for the "guy" im x conventional. Sucks for evryone else though when they wanna do a new move that involves groin punching or grabbing. Imagine the horror. Hahahaha. Its funny because its true.

Existence of smartphones....

well, with this new coming of age, i guess everyone is slowly, or may i retract and say rapidly moving towards the smartphones usage. i remember reading someone's FB stats saying that "never have i realized choosing a fruit would be difficult" in which referring to Apple (iPhone) and Blackberry. 

how much have these smartphones change people's lives? seriously, i guess to a totally whole different level. before this people have to take out their laptop, or go back home to check out work emails, now hell no, standing in a train? pffbt... take out your smartphone on your holiday and you'd find out that something's wrong at work. wondering what's your FB account is like? notifications and all that shit? pffbt... take out your smartphone and you'd find out who tagged you on the latest uncool photo u have probably when you were sleeping and unintentionally grabbing your package. 

yes, literally, we are living in the world of technology, and i may have once mentioned in one of my blog entries, that one day technology will definitely rule the world, and hopefully not without us (damn you Arnold!). Either way, we're bridging gaps that has always seem to be difficult and all. but along the way, most of us dont realize the non existing gaps that we've now created. what gaps you say? those gaps that may actually matter much more than your stupid smartphones. 

go to a dinner, or chill out session with your 4 of your friends and all. sit down, order drinks, catch up for the first few minutes, and suddenly one person would take out their smartphone to check out something that just probably vibrated the orgasm out of them. next thing you know, now we're down to 3 friends. then you start catching up and all that, a person points out like "did you check out the news on Glee this morning?" then that person starts opening the clip to show everyone. now while searching for that clip, we're down to 2 converses who coincidentally these two friends probably has the least to talk about within the 4. however, there is a catch, which is , somehow they talk great in chat mode, so, in the end both of them takes out their smartphones and chat away with each other catching up despite sitting close to each other a fist punch's length and by the time the first person who was checking out their phone is done with their thing, s/he looks up and find that no one seems to pay attention to the person. which eventually, slowly diminishes these group of people's relationship with each other. yeay smartphones. 

now don't deny it, this actually happened to most of us. once i changed into my smartphone, i started to get into it too and to be honest, i am not proud of it not even one bit. back then when everyone was quiet, and just checking out smses, someone would eventually strike up something intelligent and started the ball rolling again. then when the heated argument ends. small gap, then someone else would get the ball rolling and so on and so forth.

we are destroying actual social life and culturing intangible social living. no wonder researches estimated sometime in the near future, that there will be a majority of unattractive people as they are consumed in this intangible world of theirs. 

now i was talking in the Relationship: Friends view. how about those Relationship: Family view? some people already dont talk much to their parents, wives, kids and family much due to over commitment to work. then "hello smartphones". going to an event with your family and then instead of sitting down with your in laws listening (or trying listen), or your even your own family talking, you'd be taking out your smartphone and mingling with it instead. where's the courtesy in that? i may have done it too... to be honest, it's an ethic we should not adapt at all. so what if the phone buzzes a bit? look at it, dont delve in to it. what's 1 hour with the people who matters instead of those who really dont? 

we are slowly digging a big hole and creating a huge gap that wasnt even there in the first place! even if there already was a gap, we're making it worse! there should definitely be an ethics when it comes to smartphones. and who are the ones to start it? we are. otherwise, things will come around in the future, and our kids will do that to us. ignoring us in their own world looking all fat and ugly and not even sure what does a stapler, a cat or a real life chicken look like. 

well, let's start, embedding this culture within us, the importance of being a forward yet strong family and cultural values and not have our people totally westernized and ignoring what matters. a community, a close group of chill out buddies, and most of all, your family. 

Here's so far the ones i've come up with

Phone ethics my point of view

1. set your phone on silent during meal hours unless alone. 

2. dont mingle with your phone unless its really important (like telling the group of people you're otw, but you're actually just tying your shoe and about 45 minutes away instead of the 5 you mentioned)

3. working hours... silent your phone! (hate those phones that ring during meetings)

4. when you're out on date night with your other half, definitely not check out your phone in front of them. glancing is ok. god knows suddenly there's something really urgent (like your dad sending you a pic of his old religious notes only to find out 20 yrs later that his then 8 yr-old son drew a robot on it, *not guilty!*)

5. those stupid idiot who tweet/update their facebook stats like every 2 minutes, and worse of all mentioning where they are, are only inviting stalkers tracking their every single movement. you know who you are....

6. if necessary, download an icebreaker app where people go 'That is so cool!' and then when intended reaction is received, immediately keep your smartphone out of reach and start with something basic like 'ya, funny shit kan? so what were you guys up to during the weekend?'

7. let's go for 7, just because i can. let's see... ah yes... when you're on a holiday, a weekend, or a break, do NOT spoil that recharging moment with those emails or calling work. it'll spoil every single moment of it. then it'll unintentionally destroy the mood of your family whom you know would definitely be there for you no matter what whereas a smartphone wont. 

laters yall.

it's my sixth year....

fuck this place. it's my sixth year here. i really tried to like it. i never did.
i've impede my creativity, i've never felt any miserable ever in any stages of my life.
i'm sad most of the time when i leave from anywhere i am to come back here.
i've been praying that i'll be able to leave everyday, and when hope seems there, suddenly it's seems lost again.
why?

i hate being on night shifts. i wake up all pissed off. i feel like screaming my lungs out. i feel like i wanna punch someone immediately when i wake up. i hate pretending that it is ok most of the time. to be frank it's not!
i want to be with my wife, try and start a family of my own, but i'm stuck here. and truthfully it's not easy. this is not my place. why do people assume that everything they suggest is good for you?

"do technical, orang plant bagus"
"keja technical kaya, keja plant penat tapi bagus"
"keja kat plant skejap jek pastuh mintak la transfer. untuk blaja la"

well guess what, it's so difficult to learn when i feel everything is inconducive. i have no motivation nor a catalyst to study. when during my fucking off days that was said will be my time to come to the office and learn more, well, i had to come down to cover others. which in the end, im busy at the field most of the time. and when i try to sit down and study during my shifts, all ya'll say i sit on the desk too much. you have to be on the field. AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGHH.

i dont want to be here. this is not my place. please help me leave this place and be some place that can help me grow, give me better motivation to do the best in my life. not here. not here. not here.

losing it.....

Well currently im planning to start blogging again. Will this time around last as i have failed to maintain aa early this year? God knows. Will my entries be as boring compared to the ones i had when i was still studying? God knows. One thing for sure, ive always missed my writings.

Back then ppl catch up with blogs as compared to regular emails of which i kinda understand the reason why. Basically u dont want to immediately reply to ur correspondence which can actually show either:-
1. You're currently bored
2. You have no life
Either way, these days ppl hv the pleasure of expressing themselves on Facebook (watched "The SocialNetwork btw, and it was awesome!) or on twitter which displays a more brief expression of one's self however sadly slowly diminishing one's constant creativity & also one's articula y (if there is such word).

However can we solely blame facebook/twitter on impeding ur creativity from expanding? I think not. I however blame it on growing up. Well to be honest, it's not a bad thing at all. Well not completely. One thing for sure, commitments start pouring in, personal time starts dwindlig down to driving to work, showering, eating and sleeping. Unless you manage it or reduce your sleeping time, there mayyyy be some improvement there. Well it's those little sacrifices that one has to make.

But really? Juz commitment? Which brings my final point. Location... Location... Location. As Malcolm Gladwell puts it, "location means opportunities". Well somewhere in his book he definitely implied it. Either way, to me location means opportunities, but also motivation. Which to be honest, something ive might hv lost few years ago. However Alhamdulillah, as demotivated i am, my work was never completely ignored. Which means there may stillmbe some reserved gas left in my jetpack to propel myself away from here. So, there's still hope. Let's juz pray for the best.

Here's a true story. Few nights ago, i bumped into someone from highschool. I remember back then this guy was well not to say THE best, but he was there. He excelled, he studied, got really good head on his shoulders and was even one of the earliest persons to acually leave the country to pursue further studies. Along the way, i heard, not really surr, but something happened to him and he became utterly depressed. He became a normal maybr slightly less. What was even sad is when he got back, he got let go by the compny and he was lookin around, and seems to be still, depressed, if not worse. So when i met him, he was smilin and all, sadly i wsnt doing a good job in making the conversation less awkward in asking him "What you up to now?". Hesitantly he said he's now studying again but to become a teacher. Not something you expect from him back then. No matter what it is, to me it is still a halal job and a very noble job.

But the point is here, in my perspective, i think he fell, and he never got back up fully. Didnt recover. He may have lost his jetpack completely. That is when it hits me, and i pray that im thankful no matter what situation and still maintain whatever gas reserve i have left.i pray that it wont happen to my family, and my friends dont ever go through the same thing. To my readers, hang in there no matter what, remember that you'll alwys have your support system, if not your friends, your family, if not them, turm to God and just hang in there. For my friend, i pray for him the best and may he become a better person and may even be the best teacher out there for our future generations to come. Amin.

PS:- i apologiZe for any grammatical error. Using my phone to do this.

Kings of Peons....


Well, it's been a while. read a comment posted on my last writing saying that i may need to express myself more. i couldnt help but smile with the note. sadly i agree with the guy. i used to remember way back when, when i was still studying & heck even post studying, i found that my writings improved, even i enjoy writing it. comments always came, even i enjoyed it.

sadly, since the new responsibilities that i've undertaken, with my new life, new work, (sadly i'm still suck at this place may i say, i'd call a hole, for those locals i apologize, but it's what i think anyway), writing something interesting, or actually, even being interested to write has been a problem. i know i wont ever quit, but i know i'll slow down. Unless in the future, near or far, i work in something more interesting, or going to places i find more to write of, i'll be as witty & interesting as i was before.

i remember how it took me just almost 3 days to complete one entry, and including the pics i post, i really had fun with it. nevertheless how long it was, oh well, it was always a great hobby. im just hoping that ill regain that soon.

Anyway, the past few weeks i've been workin through holidays, weekends, and in fact, almost every single day, i find myself growing lethargic, drained n demotivated most of the time. like most of those who already know me, i'm never thrilled of this place i call work, and neither am i thrilled with the poyo-leader thing.

And somehow, when i was younger, feeling to work with corporate, being able to go on business trips, wear all the cool suits & carry a briefcase, and talk all that leadership crap people seem to want to be these days was what i wanted to be. but when i've actually started being in that world, well, let's just say, i've now managed to divide leaders in two. those who work hard lead, and those who try too hard it comes out as poyo. sadly i see a lot of the latter of which also, projects the most people who really are there.

sometimes, looking where you are now, that feeling slowly dwindles down to a distance. you see it fading as you start to see you've always filled up with false hopes too much positivity, that it becomes annoying. and for you optimistic people out there, it never hurts to be realistic, nor does it hurt to be pessimistic. just a bit. not too much that it drags the whole crew down. that's just being ignorant.

sadly too though, you start seeing the thing you've been really wanting to do in life as well, does seem further away too. and you start noticing, that the real world has sunk in on your shoulders, and as much as reality and optimisticm (if there is such a word) bites, and bites you damn hard in the ass, not before kicking you in the schnitzels, that almost everything in your life, you'd have to suck-up. it's sad to know that's how it is. oh well. we'll get through it eventually.

then it starts playing in your head, the previous thought, may actually be THE most reasonable thought. should you fight what's fated for you? bring a truck, bulldozer, one of those john deere mega tractors, will it ever be sufficient to take you away from what's called as fate.

my fate? well... there's a bit more to go. i guess patience and working hard to get yourself somewhere else now, it severely... important.

Getting in a basket and carrying it yourself.....

My lovely wife apparently went through a whole lot of my writings (actually all of it i think!) and i was a bit shy of it, i dont know why. All i can remember during that time of my life was... i was a truly emo dude. like waaaaay emo. there was even one part of my life where i remember i was listening to aaaaall these rock emo songs, i mean, hey, they're really good songs, but i found that if i listen to it too long, it did kinda affect my personality in some way where i'm almost always utterly pissed off. But anyway, one thing my lovely wife commented on my writings was... 'Sayang, well, i know for a fact you really dont like your job... and the writings are very... expressive'. 

heheh. well for those who do follow my writings... they mightve noticed how my writings actually mellowed down so much after i graduated but may still be a bit depressing after i started working, although not as bad lah. 

Well, talking about jobs, one of the things i kinda derived is, that one's gotta love, be passionate of their job. but then again, the world's really big, and competitive... love it or not, eventually, there may be someone out there who's working hard, and not loving it. may be a whole LOT of them. but i've yet to meet someone who doesnt love their job, and be like on top management. it's someone's view who's honest and sincere and is willing to share how he got up there like it or not. 

Also, in regards to jobs, i was looking at my watch (well not literally lah), and its been more than 4 years of me working in various position albeit in the same company. and i guess it's high time i actually update my Resume or how most malaysians refer to it as CV. to be honest, i dont know what CV means to this point. i know i can google it up, but i guess i'll just be honest................... okay got it... CV stands for curriculum vitae. 

at times, i've been staring at my resume and decided to come up with two types of em actually. one is for creative side of which i know is more of my passion. like producing, writing, events stuff. The other one is more of a technical side of me, my engineering geeky side. well as much as i prefer the creative side, i wonder who would want to hire a guy who has no experience in producing, editing at his current age and where they can get so much fresher ideas from those newly grads. hence, i know ive got no choice but to have my technical resume updated to be used in the near future. it might be something i might not love, but maybe i dont love it because i'm in Bintulu, far away from great motivation like family and friends. plus, if i want something i know i'm passionate for but is at big odds, i should always have this technical thing with me. i have a wife to care for now, so i dont have much choice do it. 

nevertheless, it doenst hurt one to be honest about it and dream about it the best they can. 

One thing about writing resumes also, is that how it actually (and might actually NOT!) represent yourselves. heh. some people lie, some people just jack up the information from what they already input. but then again, i guess the best way is of course to put down everything about you there, coz you'll never know how they're drilling you down to the bones for information and details during the interview. 

Another thing about resumes (which also may be the cause of the previous paragraph) is jacking yourself up to make yourself standout from the others. most people find it difficult as i know a lot of humble people, but when it comes to the resume, its a dog eat dog world and hell, you need the job, you need the money and relieve your heavy responsibilities. well, you cant blame those people who wants to hire you too because they just want the best for their company and they definitely want to invest in someone who's worth investing it... so i guess its a fair world. The world is for people who work hard for it... but then again, u know not everyone works hard and yet get something beyond what they are worth. i'd guess you call that maybe 'luck'?? or politics? hehe. 

well, i guess, what i'm trying to say here is, no matter how much you wanna do what you love, finally it boils down to the people who are important to you the most, your family, your wife, your child, your gf. everything probably wont matter when you know you want the best for them. but, never stop dreaming of something you love, because you'll never know how things will finally turn over for your and it's your big break to that dream of yours, then the people you love can also feel and enjoy how you feel. 

oh well... for now, let's just keep it deep inside, dream about it, and not to forget, the most important thing... prayers to Him, and faith... a LOT of it..... Amin........