wait, i can do this.... sorry what was i supposed to do again?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Frustration again...?

I met up with my boss this morning for a short chit chat and i inquired to him about my recent job interview somewhere in Peninsular.

Not to my surprise, he said that yes, i am releasable, however, maybe i wont be able to move in time for the April thing. "mungkin October kot?" he said. ended with a "kot" just made my knees weak again. i smiled my weak awkward smile, left and feeling completely rejected again for God knows how many times in my life when it comes to job applications. i used to remember, before all this, my only fear of rejection was from meeting up with girls. oh how mistaken i was then.

i just hope, if it really will be October, my management wont change their mind. i'm just tired you know? lonely and tired. next thing you know, they'd go "i'm sorry, we have great plans for you here" of which i'm praying that it wont be the case. id probably jump off a bridge.

i'm just really tired.

i miss KK and yet despite having my offdays on weekends next month, i'm unable to go. because some geniuses decided that they do all this simultaneous trainings and have people who rarely see their family become just further disengaged from them. to think they've learnt their lesson in coordination for the past years... every year.
Artist at work....

So there's this goat you know... over the hills, and he was like smoking some shit there...

next thing i know, we were laughing at a cow...
then came a huge bear....

we scrambled and ran stumbling down,
finally bumping into a wild hare,

then we were all laughing again wearing a crown,
that jack broke unaware....

jill came and found the goat, the cow, jack, myself and the stupid hare
laughing again and still smoking some shit there....

sometimes, once in a while, people do PDA. yes, it's sickening to most, but sometimes, i guess we just kinda want to let it out.

However, doing it all the time, on your facebook, on your blog, on your twitter is just mad ridiculous. once a week sure.

and also, dont baby talk with all the symbols and shit. there's thing called "personal text messaging", "email" and a "fucking bedroom".

simple PDA is acceptable. peck on the lips/cheek = OK. Not tonguing or continuous touchy feeling. Simple messages would suffice. again... not every fucking day or some of those more chronic ones, every 5 fucking minutes.

btw... i have the most adorable loving wife. thank you.

Friday, February 11, 2011


it's a Friday night....

1. I'm working tomorrow
2. I'm still doing some work right now despite being sleepy because i need to touch up on my subordinates' evaluation. sucks to know that they're actually supposed to do this themselves, but apparently, here in this company, it's ok to do work FOR your subordinates because if you dont the higher powers will be pissed off at you. 
3. Sucks to know that when i'm doing this, and if they do get their merit, if you're lucky, 10% would come and say thank you. if not, give it 5%. 
4. I miss my wife and life 's fucking empty and demotivating without having her around. 

have a great fuckin weekend guys. 

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Bull season....

Well it's the end of the financial year again, and hail the end of year evaluation season. i'm not gonna say much, but i guess this is a difficult season for both the boss and subordinate. 

Subordinate because some of them dont really enjoy listening to the truth why they just dont deserve it. 

Boss because, face it, it's not easy giving "feedback" to your employees the management way, and having someone not liking you and you know is gonna talk shit about you to your co-workers in the most unprofessional way which can eventually turn your life into a living hell. 

either way, all i can remind everyone, act professionally. 

Spend this... Not that!

Right, i have some wish list that i have yet to fulfill. but one of those things that after you spent it, you go... 

"what the fuck did i just spend on?"

one thing i would like to say that i'm not proud of spending on, but i know i want it so bad would be my very very new... Playstation 3. the games are ridiculously expensive, and the main reason i had to buy it because my life here in Bintulu has gotten lamer and lamer. if i do not get that PS3, seriously, my life would get more empty. 

but then there's like other things that i really want to spend on, like, a Desktop? new set of lens for my camera? this is not cool at all. if only i was so rich. great, now im totally talking like a little child wishing he had shitloads of money and spend on 1000 ice-creams for himself. sad. 


Well, next monday will be another interview session that i'll be going through. the thing is, this time around it's gonna be in Kertih instead of in KL where i really want to be. 

but i was talking to my dad for advice last nite, for his prayers and restu. one thing he did tell me, 

"Abang, sit down and think about it deeply, dont be too sad of your current life. think about of how bad it could have been if you are not where you are now, and think of those friends in your past life who did not have as much opportunity as you did. motivate yourself, and pray for the best". 

it's been the most difficult 5 years of my life i have to admit. it has not been easy. but after what my dad said, i may have just ended up ignoring what i've always had. if i didnt end up working here, i'd maybe not end up working at all or just working somewhere that probably wont give me the life i have now (despite the fact that its more working for the money). most of all, id probably wont have known my wife and ended up with psycho miserable person with endless drama. 

i guess, if i really do get this movement to Kertih, sure, it's still 4 hours away from my wife, and sadly, much further from my parents, but things do happen for a reason. i'm hoping there will be new opportunities there, and there will be a new set of motivation to make me a better person. if i do get this transfer, i really need to fight to be better and at least as studious as i was back when i was in high school. i need it back badly. 

well... i guess, the conclusion to the last entry is basically hoping that not only for me, but for everyone out there, what you really want may not come true. when if it doesn't dont give up hope ever. and just delve into something new, make new dreams and make yourself a better person as a whole. i know this is way positive shit, but i have to. this is for me. come on irfan. be a better man.