wait, i can do this.... sorry what was i supposed to do again?

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Kings of Peons....

Well, it's been a while. read a comment posted on my last writing saying that i may need to express myself more. i couldnt help but smile with the note. sadly i agree with the guy. i used to remember way back when, when i was still studying & heck even post studying, i found that my writings improved, even i enjoy writing it. comments always came, even i enjoyed it.

sadly, since the new responsibilities that i've undertaken, with my new life, new work, (sadly i'm still suck at this place may i say, i'd call a hole, for those locals i apologize, but it's what i think anyway), writing something interesting, or actually, even being interested to write has been a problem. i know i wont ever quit, but i know i'll slow down. Unless in the future, near or far, i work in something more interesting, or going to places i find more to write of, i'll be as witty & interesting as i was before.

i remember how it took me just almost 3 days to complete one entry, and including the pics i post, i really had fun with it. nevertheless how long it was, oh well, it was always a great hobby. im just hoping that ill regain that soon.

Anyway, the past few weeks i've been workin through holidays, weekends, and in fact, almost every single day, i find myself growing lethargic, drained n demotivated most of the time. like most of those who already know me, i'm never thrilled of this place i call work, and neither am i thrilled with the poyo-leader thing.

And somehow, when i was younger, feeling to work with corporate, being able to go on business trips, wear all the cool suits & carry a briefcase, and talk all that leadership crap people seem to want to be these days was what i wanted to be. but when i've actually started being in that world, well, let's just say, i've now managed to divide leaders in two. those who work hard lead, and those who try too hard it comes out as poyo. sadly i see a lot of the latter of which also, projects the most people who really are there.

sometimes, looking where you are now, that feeling slowly dwindles down to a distance. you see it fading as you start to see you've always filled up with false hopes too much positivity, that it becomes annoying. and for you optimistic people out there, it never hurts to be realistic, nor does it hurt to be pessimistic. just a bit. not too much that it drags the whole crew down. that's just being ignorant.

sadly too though, you start seeing the thing you've been really wanting to do in life as well, does seem further away too. and you start noticing, that the real world has sunk in on your shoulders, and as much as reality and optimisticm (if there is such a word) bites, and bites you damn hard in the ass, not before kicking you in the schnitzels, that almost everything in your life, you'd have to suck-up. it's sad to know that's how it is. oh well. we'll get through it eventually.

then it starts playing in your head, the previous thought, may actually be THE most reasonable thought. should you fight what's fated for you? bring a truck, bulldozer, one of those john deere mega tractors, will it ever be sufficient to take you away from what's called as fate.

my fate? well... there's a bit more to go. i guess patience and working hard to get yourself somewhere else now, it severely... important.