wait, i can do this.... sorry what was i supposed to do again?

Monday, May 23, 2005

Done... for real.....

In the past few weeks, i've had so many mixed emotions, so many 'mixed' feelings as i told fera, so many great experiences. to be honest, it HAS been one of my most tiring weeks of the year, although i did not have any classes to attend. Yesterday, i've officially received my Bachelor of Science in Environmental Engineering. It was currently the happiest day of my life. period. but all that was spoiled for extensive heavy boxes, and i'm sorry to say, my boss MADE me work right after graduation, at 5. he didnt even say congratulations, and made me work, i couldnt go out celebrate with my friends, and left to smell like wings and cheese which honestly, a job i cant wait to quit, and not be in this business, insya Allah EVER again. this is another thing, when i'm done, two fingers up in the air, saying FUCK this place for having me WORK on graduation. yes people say let it go, what done is done, but this is a grudge i will hold on to for sometime. its like me getting married, and i was about to have my first nite with my wife, and suddenly being told 'Irfan, no one is covering for you? you cant find anyone? come to work now, plus, you're late...' that feeling is such a stabbing on the chest, not being able to celebrate one final time, with ALL my friends, especially the ones that i know i WONT ever be able to see again. yes i'm blaming you. you took away something i've looked forward for since i stepped into senior year, heck, i didnt even get to smoke my expensive cigars while chilling by the hill with sparkling wine(grape juice) relaxing, knowing this IS my BIGGEST achievement so far. Yes i still want to work, but NOT on my graduation day. a grudge i will always hold for a really really really long time.....

Right now, it feels like i'm crossing out my friends one by one from my image, saying our final goodbyes, final sorries, final hugs and kiss. some people may feel less emotional than i do, but that's me. I've struggled my ass off in this place, both in education, physically, heck, even mentally. fucked up relationships, fucked up friends, fucked up exams (these fucked ups arent referred to all) . i must say, having myself, walking on the stage, shaking the hands of my president, shirley ann jackson, and hugging my prof, my deparment buddies, for the last time, saying 'have a great life' was very emotional.

to the class of 2005, mainly abe, fera, rina, todi, sung, wanzaw, kerk, izzy, nadiah, lana-chan kakak yg comel, lyn, have been a great big part of my life here in RPI. I want to get to specifics... BUT, i'll save that for my final email of goodbye. :). Yes i do get emotional in saying goodbyes, usually i hold it, but hey, this time, its a REAL goodbye. one step to adulthood, plus, ive even had a conversation with rina's dad, how, even bestfriends would be different with time, and things arent as it used to be. but that's life. and yes... coming from an elder indivual, and i must say, a very positive one indeed... hehe... it IS so true.

for now, in compensating for my loss of graduation day celebration, hopefully i could hang out with my friends outdoor, sitting down under the slightly cloudy sky during a sunny day, smoking a cigar, with jazz and indon songs on the background, and share our last experience together relaxed, with NO rush, knowing that this would be the last time we could actually have this.

also, probably be hanging out with my american buds at their places before i leave. who knows, i could probably end up marrying one. YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!! hehehe. oh that'd be sooo sooo awesome.

Today, i managed to say my goodbye to Liz Widmeyer, tall girl, who has a bf who loves naruto, who drinks a lot, turns very very funny when she gets really drunk, and who wants to come visit me in Malaysia. and what a day of goodbye, i was standing outside with her, in the rain, adding to the mood, saying our final thoughts, and hugging her one last time, and saying to her, 'you have a great life'.

i want to go on with this more, but i'm going back on july 7th, so it is still to early. so, i will end this here for now, and just continue my thoughts on summer fishing with taroi, summer hiking with azfar, summer chillin' with abe, tod, ferr, sung, and ellias, summer cruisin with spencer. hopefully one summer fling with a freshmen crush. muahahahah. just kidding.

till then....

aku pulang... tanpa dendam....
ku terima... kehidupan ku....

Thursday, May 12, 2005

One Fucking hell of a night....

okay, i wanted to write this in BM, REAL BM :P. but probably sounds weird. i'll give it a shot anyway. this is an A+ bm. :D. hahaha.

Semalam saya habis peperiksaan yang juga bermaksud ianya adalah peperiksaan terakhir saya di RPI, lantas memberikan satu kepuasan di hati ini. Saya keluar dari kelas itu sambil menjerit (nih kene cakap in english), 'I'm FUCKING DONE WITH RPI, FUCK U TEST, FUCK U chip, FUCK everything!I'm DONE!!!' selepas itu, saya pulang ke bilik dan hanya dapat berehat sebentar kerana pada pukul 3.30 petang, saya terpaksa pergi ke latihan capoeira bersama galo. kebahangan semalam membuat saya penat dengan pantas sekali, tetapi, saya masih dapat merasakan kepuasan bermain capoeira. selepas itu, saya pergi ke kerja pada pukul 5. (ya tuhan ku, saya f- bertungkus lumus buat benda nih!!). Pada malam semalam, sangat lah ramai orang bagi tip yang banyak sekali. saya terasa seperti 'male stripper'. selepas bekerja di pizza bella, saya pergi ke Holmes and watson's bar utk berjumpa dengan rakan2, liz, spencer, dan carrie. saya sampai lambat sedikit, lantas pergi ke i love new york kerana holmes and watson's hampir tutup. di situ, kami ternampak beberapa motorsikal yang gempakss giler. selepas itu, mereka semua melantik saya menjadi 'designated driver' kerana saya tidak minum. hahaha. okay org yang dah buat benda nih dalam bm, congrats, kamu mmg layak A. aku struggle giler nak tulis benda nih. pegi laa mam... nak tulis campur2 gak!! hahahah. tapi at least A-.

so we took the whisky from spencer's went to carrie's only to have the one of the funniest thing happened there. liz was drunk as hell, trying to make me drink, i said i dont drink, everytime she poured into my soda, meredith would be such a sweetie and take and poured it into hers. love you girl!! then answering drunk people's question about islam was also weird, like why dont i drink, what kind of relationship does a muslim couple have usually, shit like that. kengkadang malas plak nak melayan. After that went to another party, on the way out liz was soo out of it, she lost one of her sandals, and we had to go looking around for it about 10 mins. then after that, we started walking, ya rabbi, i think i'm getting too old for this shit. kelakar giler tengok perangai org mabuk. there, the party was already dying out, and kenal this one guy who owns a '79 corvette. hopped into his corvette with his brand new leather seats. perggh... such a man's car!!

immediately right after kuar keta tuh, this one old guy drove passed by, asking for a bar, pointed him to the direction, and before he left, he was asking for any available horny housewives. hahaha. wut the fuck? hahaha. after that, a cute girl said i'm really nice. hahaha. but she's probably drunk, so that probably doesnt count. pastuh on the way back, we were walking in a group, while a group of three was walking about 3 minutes away from us. on the way to the house, everyone was giving people piggy back rides i told meredith to hop on me, only to realize this one gay guy jumped on me, i didnt want to make any confrontation thus just continued carrying him. pantat berat nak mampus. things starts getting awkward when he was starting to caress my chest... and i just dropped him and 'DO NOT TOUCH THE CHEST!! hahaah', was about to get into carrie's then next thing i know when we got there, police were everywhere, ambulans, bomba, only to find out that these three people, one girl and two guys were jumped by some white poyo thugs and starts whacking them. blood was all over, one guy was down on the ground kene pijak2 sampai patah hidung already, and these poyo thugz just got back into the van and drove off.

so.... those are the highlights of my night. hahaha. fucking hilarious. i was going back in my room, baring jek, terus tertido.

signing off....
the designated driver....

Friday, May 06, 2005

End of classes....

went out of my last class, with two fingers in the air, and went to the pub with my friends. DID NOT try alcohol :). but tried something called non-alcoholic beer? something like that. shit. why the fuck do people drink anyway? it tastes like crapt. although its not alcohol, but that's how it roughly tastes like. like in the words of liz, Ass-tastic. hahaha. but people has different choices, different opinion, i've done some shit i'm not proud either. been roughly a nice boy last week. hahaha. somewhat laa lebey kurang. went to green day concert. absofuckinglutely Fabulous!!!! i dont listen to punk rock, but dude... if you have the chance to go to a GREEN DAY concert, PERGI!! just GO!! they are truly real entertainers. they connect with the audience, walaupun tatau lagu2 dier bawak, i had so much fun. wanted to jump in into the mosh pit, but sadly the security just got too tight.

My favorite class of all classes this semester has ended last week. i feel sad, soo sad... yet that's life. Capoeira. setakat nih, i think that was the only REAL thing that kept me going this semester. the people, the intensity, the practice, the exercise, the Graduardo Furacao, Graduardo Pashtor, and Penzinho were great instructors. oh, btw, my capoeira name is... jeng jeng jeng.... Urso... which means The Bear. hahaha. i was wondering why, and the whole class said 'DUDE IT IS SOOO THE HAIR!!'. sadly, i think i agree with them. i must cut hair this week!! MUSSST.

packing tak start lagik, byk giler shit nak pack up. kotak dah ada. but still... bullshit. banyak giler. blaargh. pressure. dah ler baru tau petronas dah tak masuk duit dah. ingat dierang masuk sampai august. now i have to work extra hard. seriously extra hard. fuck. hutang sumer almost abis bayar. sket jekk lagik. registrar and then im done.

i must say... after my final senior design presentation, things were somewhat fast.. and slow. hahahahah. i just dont remember shit. soo fucking tired. the only thing i remember is talking on the phone, and falling down into the cupboard. hahahahah. bullshit. soooo many... mixed feelings.

i dont know when exactly i came up with this poem, havent given a title yet, but i was soooo into it at that time. tak ingat biler buat.


Dulu kau tinggalkan aku,
Kau buat ku merayu,
Tapi bila kau kembali nanti,
Harapan ku hanyalah kau mati

Jahanam untuk segala buatan mu,
Tikaman mu beberapa kali,
Pasal mu ku benci masa lalu,
Ku mahu kau rasakan hati seperti ini

Matilah kau dibakar api,
Payah bertahun untuk ku lari,
Tapi kini kau kembali,
Dan kini aku hanya menegakkan jari,
Pergilah mati, walaupun ku pedih di hati

irfan's buzzing thoughts at 201....

fucking hell, one more exam, and then im done. you know, as i was driving one day with ferr and sung, we came up with a topic, a topic of the last time we're driving out of troy. i couldnt say shit man. its going to be the last time ever. you can never look back anymore. you turn around and look from the car, you know its just not going to be the same anymore. shit are just so fucking different. my room is just such a wreck right now. tak kemas tak aper. biler ntah nak packing. havent packed yet. freaking out. hahahaa

sleeping in my room again... and its just not the same. its just soooo... different. just miss some... comfortness. everytime i step into my room, i feel like death is just waiting. blargh. whta the hell am i talking about. hahaah. blurry giler.

i am now officialy a naruto freak. that show just sucks me into it like i'm nothing!! hahaha. damn japanese corporate media. hahaha. i need to run and do more sit ups than i have so far. kali nih ada gym partner fera. muahahahahah. man, the change of weather is making me sick. honestly, tader idea nak tulis aper nih. just soooo sooooooo blurry. blurry from lsat nite's too much sleepingg? too much eating? ntah laa.... but i'm going for nice flat iron abs. hahaha. okay laa lalok sket....