ding dong ding dong!!

As i mentioned... Since I've been missing for a while... will place a lot of entries during the whole week...

so... for now... i would like to wish... one of my closest friends... which... until now, i still keep in contact as often as i can... so atiee gileeeee!! HAPpY 23rd Birthday!!!! you're halfway to 46!!!

atie... u know i suck in photoshop... so... here's something i think i'm good at....

Once there was a sweet girl named Atie,
she's very very crazy,and always senyum nampak gusi,
She's into guys who are baldy, hence i think she's very into me,
too bad i'm only meant for angelina jolie,
never mind lah atie... u can try again lain kali,
all i want to say for my dearest atie,
is happy birthday!! you're twenty-three!!!
now you can buy me that wallet I've always wanted which is a burberry!!!!

miss ya lots pompuan gilerrrr..... HAAAPPY Birthday!!


I know you post this on your blog on my bday... but damn... i reaaaaally suck at photoshop. so... recycle's the name of the game.... muehehehe.

Globe Trekker Wannabe....


So what have i done since last thursday??

basically, I met up with my older nephews and cousins, took my friends around KK, and just chilled at home due to my asthma and fever that just seems to pop out at a never better time. oh well... what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger.

On the day i arrived, got a privilage taking my cool marketing friend, Sese around the KK night life, and just chilled at shanny's and talked.

The next day, took her around KK from one end to another, while we listen to songs, and she help me intepret some cool songs that I've always had some misconception or have always taken for granted.

for example, Bob Marley's 'No Woman, No Cry,'. I know it's a song of revolution, but my interpretation of it was, one of his friends in the government yard in trenchtown, was feeling sad since he was left by a woman. hence, he was trying to console his bud in the midst of the chaos. But actually... my good friend Bob, was actually saying... to a woman... No Woman, No Cry. Or in normal english, oh please dear lady, don't cry. Or in other layman term, woit pompuan bongok... dah tak payah nak nangis... aku sepak kang baru tau (okay... i went too far on the last one). And she was crying due to the revolution... how'd you like that interpretation? Cool huh? And to think I used that song to lift me up when my mind flash through some stupid women I've met in my life. Oh well. But anyway, I really love taking people around KK as much as i can since I really want to leave the best impression i can for them so that they can visit Sabah more often and bring people around and experience its wonders.




Sese and I sharing some gossips and pasta in Little Italy, KK. A nice Italian restaurant. Hey I know it's not really Malaysian... but... it's good food. home made. go try it when you're in KK!!



So, my cool friend Sza-Sza came up to Sabah due to my very convincing persuasion... obviously being left alone in Bintulu is NOT GOOD... especially during the holiday season.

Basically, I went all Ian Wright from Globe Trekker on it. Did my own video travelling documentary on our trip. Had so much fun. We trekked, climbed up some canopy walk, smelled some guano in the bat cave, I walked through a waterfall in my jeans and boots (which was VERY stupid), then after that, drove up to Mt Kinabalu Park, which is registered as one of the World's Heritage, had some nice hot drinks up there, and went down.

Boy was it a rush. I'd love to get into details... but wait till i compile the video properly. Someone please remind me to!! I tend to forget really. hehe.

But for now, please do enjoy the pics of my simple roadtrip with my bud...


Stopping by for some traditional souveys.....



Makcik di kaki gunung....



Being all cowboy at the canopy walk....


checkin out the equipment for some blair witch project shit....


relaxing after the hike and the stupid bruneians who were so fcuking rude on sabahan road. sheesh. Sabah and Sarawakians hate bruneians like West Malaysians hate Singaporeans....



finally relaxing with some hot choc at the base camp....




It was chilly after all....

Break... and SICK....

i know i know... i've been missing for a while. i'm sorry very very sorry. had some guests coming to KK, so needed to show them the best part of KK the best i can.

i wanna start writing rite now... but its very late, and im not feeling in the 'pink of health' as they might say back in those days... shit i'm old.

but anyway... one of my plans for this break is write an article and send it to NST and hopefully it gets published. the article is about how fucked up i think airasia is. hopefully that gets done soon. also, need to sharpen up on my cover letter which will hopefully get me a transfer to marketing position. i really dont like this job, and will try my best to get it.

then gonna get a haircut. mom's been complaining about it... plus... i think with my longer hair, it adds some shades to my cheeks and i look heavier. hopefully im not in actual. plus... atiee doesnt lke me with long hair too. actually wanted to shave it all off... but all my hot close friends, mary, ferr, atiee... think i shouldnt. so... just gonna cut it normally... which is spiky hair like usual.

what's bad about this break is... im a bit under the weather, with flu and slight fever. so that's a bit of a spoiler really.

actually last week i think i had a really good topic to talk about... but then i forgot... since its been more than a week. but i do have a new topic.. but will keep it in mind and put it in before the end of the week hopefully.

so... hang in there... got some good pics and vid too!!

Oh baaarbara daaahling, you look beauuuuutiful today (in total snobbish accent)....

Okay... so seminggu lebih tak update. 'sibuk' laaa katakan. chet atiee. okay i wanted to write something on sunday, but fell asleep. didnt like to write on a weekday. hence carried on till today. but to my frequent readers... my bad.

Well anyway, this week was an interesting week for me. busy, hectic week, with some interesting twists in it. however... im not a person who tells my single life in every detail. hehehe. i just like to observe, and things i think i can tell for the benefit of others. but occasionally there are some slips. hehe.

so... earlier this week... I attended this one course... perhaps one of the coolest course I've ever attended. it's part of this something like Quality Leader Development thingy. yeaps... to whom are so used to this term... it may be quite cheesy and typical. nevertheless... i had great fun.

basically the course was on corporate image and grooming or something like that lah. so basically i had to learn the proper corporate way of dressing up and what not. with how to match tie and shirt, how you greet people, how to treat a lady and BE a gentlemen and also how to do fine dining. so basically its something to add class and quality in a person. hence going through the course was awesome. the actual position of the spoon on the dining table, you actually scoop the spoon away from you, NEVER dip your meal in your soup bla bla bla.

Here's my god knows how many cents on it. personally... i think it was a good course to unwind from my work. But to say it didnt have any effect at all on me... hmm actually... not yet. for those who have gone through this thing... where some people might call it very tedious way of eating (menyusahkan diri), my take is this... it WILL apply... later on in the future... maybe when you're sent by your company for a meeting, and then you are invited to a fine dining in the presence of the president or something. Or maybe just simply you'll be invited to my wedding with Siti Nurhaliza's daughter when i'm 44. So please, do learn this. hehehe.

but anyway, believe it or not, our malaysian people who were not exposed to this classy culture did so many faux pas (macam kesilapan laa to this culture), and the country/company sent complaints for the company to educate them. hence... just be reminded, you dont only represent yourself, but you also represent your company (regardless you love it or not), and also your country. but basically... yourself la.. tak malu ke nanti? so... if you havent attended such course, at least force yourself to meet others that can actually help you out.

Growing up... is sure damn hard....

To a serious note... i guess last nite... was one of the turning points of certain qualities in my life. thanks to my two friends/bandmates.

As i was having dinner with my friends... i got a text message from this guy... probably one of the snobbiest person I've ever met in my life. I've always had some vengeance on him due things he did to someone i cared about, plus the fact that he boasts all the time added the more reason to give him a swing. so you know how much i abhorred this guy.

when i read the text, the guy told me, he wants to pick me up, face to face, and settle things. i was like... wow... this is good chance. my adrenaline rush pumped me up until i was so restless. my two friends, one if probably one of the most sarcastic funny dude ive known, one really cool guy listened to what I had to say. the cool guy used to like to get into fights and all. but then... they both told me something i didnt see coming... it was actually a lot of talking la but to summarize it they said something like 'dude, we're all grown-up now. for REAL this time. you have a career, sooner or later you'll be married, and this time you really have a reputation to take care. When grown-ups fight... it either ends in jail, or death. but even if the guy doesnt die, puas hati pukul... that's it. but then, your reputation is tarnished. simple as that'.

I really had to soak it in for a while. I couldnt believe that I had to supress my ego. So my friends say, if the guy wants, come to their place tomorrow, sit down, and talk outside. they're not gonna interrupt, they're probably just gonna be asleep anyway in the morning. (yes.. the guy wanted to pick me up at 9am). he probably wants to have breakfast in the afternoon, and attend some function at night. oh well. but anyway, i thought why so? and the explanation was simple, two grown-up angry men, should not be left together. and they also kept telling me... down sink down to his level.

so basically, that's what i texted him... and after that my friends told me... if he comes and talk, he'll be screaming, he'll be pointing, he'll be rude... all you have to do, is calm down, and be a better person. and just say sorry even if you know you're right. in the end... he'd be the bad guy anyway. dont start flippin out, and just be patient. but if he starts, of course la i have to defend myself, then, keluarkan la silat, taekwondo, capoeira, kage bunshin no jutsu, rasengan yang ada my friend said. but they kept saying, dont go down to his level. you're a MAN, and adult now. and at the same time, my family was going through my head, my career progression, my reputation and it did made me think... a lot.

then comes in another text msg from him sarcastically implying that i'm a pussy to meet him and fight him in front of my friends. I was aggravated. really. for those who know me, when i'm pissed... i am. but then my cool friend... who used to love to get into fights and all, told me, 'i know its an insult man, but really, you're the better man so far, you didnt provoke him or anything, and better yet, he keeps provoking you to fight... so who's an adult now?'. damn... never knew that those words would come up from him. and really... it was the biggest challenge of the week for me. i really had to calm myself. it was difficult honestly. then, without my friends help... i sent him this txt msg 'if you wanna talk, meet me... and talk. just know i'm not going to fight. that's it. abis cerita. simple.' initially i wanted to say sarcastic stuff... of which i will not say la. but my friends kept telling me... hang in there. and i did.

in the end... he didnt wanna see me. that was it. my friends told me, you did the right thing. I drove back trying to figure out was it the rite thing. and told myself... 'wow... growing up sucks, and its difficult. never had to supress my ego that much'. yes... it was a challenge. there are other things that matter now... my friends, especially the mcgiffs, tonyokest girl in wichita, pilot brother in langkawi, my loving family, and my job... as much as i think i prefer to be somewhere else... which i know i'll be there sooner or later... at least i have a reputation to take care. if it was the right thing or not... ntah. did it feel good? ntah. but now i know i can bump into him, smile, knowing that, i'm a better man. i think. ntah. am i? man... growing up... is hard.

damn these things confuse me seriously... but i'm okay now. plus... the hotel actually made a mistake. the smallest fork on the left should actually be on the right. and the water will always always be at the tip of the knife of the main course. its a hotel here in the middle of no where. of course you cant expect them to be experienced in such classy thing except buffet eh?



my facis wanted me to give the speech of honor for the honored guests and all, last minute. well not last minute la, about 1 hour before the event. hence, its called extaremponues... aperntah... pegi mampus la nak eja camner. pandai korang la carik kat webster. sigh. ahah. i didnt do bad, just okay... so thank god....



What ever high class shiiite that is... salmon something (yes... i also found out officially... its a silent L. to Ms azu... if you're reading... hehe... yes... you're rite. brits... sigh... hehehe.)



me and my uniten mate/office mate/friend.... wow... i know her this long...


yepps... there goes my speech... and my hands... and yessss atieee... rambut i dah panjaaang. okay2... will cut it okay? its my holiday hair... sheeeeesh. heheheeh.


Oh I forgot to say... my cool faci is Dr Sher. some may know him from AF. dont jump into conclusions about him and his style. if you do... you just really dont know what you're talking about. :). a very cool guy, who i'd say i'm very happy to know, an honored to be a friend of him.

Jungles and me....

So yesterday rite... i went jungle trekking. been trekking the same track 3 times now. But yesterday was... okay, i wont say it annoying... it was challenging... somewhat. Since it has been raining almost everyday for a week, and including the morning i went for trekking, the track was actually very slippery, and usually id wear boots for my trekking, but that yesterday i was already somewhat late, hence needed to rush and had no time to put on those boots. had to wear my sneakers instead.

So yes... as i was trekking in the jungles, yesterday i became the sweeper so didnt really mind since i was familiar, and it gave me more time alone... as long as i didnt get lost, im cool. but anyway, the tracked passed through a very small stream, and what really kinda caught my attention was in that very small river, on top of a hill, were SOOO many prawns. im like... how the hell they get up here really?? and then there was an ikan keli my colleague pointed out that i missed. again... i asked myself... how the hell did they get up here? then after waiting til i was alone to walk again, i asked myself... well yes of course actually I've been asking this question a long time ago, now it bugged me again.

So, how does a pond, or a stream directly from a well, have fish in it??? like dude.. seriously??HOW?? okay, I've been told that pond in golf courses, usually some buddhist monks would put fish in it to let it free or something... for what reason i dont know. but how bout those ponds that doesnt have any tamper with humans? how'd fish come out from it... out of no where? they dont just fall from the rain rite? like... they're eggs are just way... waaaaay to heavy to be evaporated along with water and dropped down along with the rain. They didnt evolve from insects into fish. nopes.. not even from snakes. so how the hell does these prawns and fish appear out of no where??? SERIOUSLY??

trekking down memory lane....

As i was trekking last nite, i was trying to remember when did i first do my trekking. and i remembered that it was actually an unplanned one. i was probably primary 2 or 3, and my mom, at that time a lecturer, brought her students somewhere between Papar and Kinarut (my semenanjung friends, its in Sabah), the place if im not mistaken was pantai manis. So my dad, my cousin and i went to fish somewhere instead of hanging out just watching university students have fun and being all lovey dovey with the uuuss and aaass and all. so, initially i cant really recall, but there were rocks, and the river was quite murky. and my cousin caught a catfish. a big one. he let it go coz the family aren't really into ikan air tawar... or some might say ikan darat, or non-saltwater fish (i know there's an english name for these but i just CANT remember!!).

So after that, my cousin and my dad decided to try look for a better spot. so we had to trail along the river, that really has NO trail at all... and my dad told me to take off my shoes because it was just really slipper and dangerous. so i did what he said, and walk on the rocks barefooted like the both of them did. little that i know, since we were trailing down the river, the rocks we stepped on eventually had barnacles on it. and first cut it really hurt, and plus... the water got saltier every moment. so you know how it feels rite? and as we approached the oceans, the cut just really multiplied, and wow... it HURTS. we tried to look for the best part to fish but in the end, we just decided to go to the ocean and cast our rods there. everybody went shirtless since we were waist deep in the ocean. well i was... since i was like 2 feet god knows then. it was difficult really bleeding all over my feet.. initially. but then when we all started to fish, and i actually caught my first fish ever there. with my dad. hmmm. after the trip, my feet still stings, and i walked like i just stepped barefooted on a field of durians.

but in all the pain, and the challenging track that i went through with my dad and my cousin, i actually had fun. and i'll always remember that place when i pass by to go back to my dad's kampung. and most of all... it was my first fishing trip with my dad. caught my first fish... it was small, and butt ugly... but it was yummy... i think. i didnt really care. it was my first fish. it was... great. really. wonder if i ever thanked my dad for that experience.

well... in the words of Ozzy Osbourne in the reality show, the Osbourns show, on the episode where he took his son jack to fish for the first time at a very very old age... 'You're not a complete dad if you don't take your son fishing at least once....' something like that la... but you know what... as fucked up as i think the old guy is... I have to agree with Ozzy. my dad did... and hopefully if i have a son, i'd do the same thing for him... assuming that there are still fishes in this world at that time. even if there isnt any, im just gonna take him to cast rods and tell him how it felt like to fish for the first time.

good times it was... good times.....

for the one i have not met....

To you... whom i have not met... you're a gift from god... thank you very much... for loving me the way no one can ever....

If I fell in love with you
could you promise to be true
And help me understand
'Cause I've been in love before
And I've found that love is more
Than just holding hands

If I gave my heart to you
I must be sure from the very start
that you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
don't run and hide,
if I love you too, oh please
don't hurt my pride like her

'Cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad
If our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
would love to love you
And that she will cry
when she learns we are two

If I fell in love with you

Mellow...

Weirdly enough... i find myself listening to feel good mellow songs, john mayer, ray lamontagne, corrine bailey rae, Etta James (Ferr!! download this one! go for 'At last' first!!!), Norah Jones.Listening to rocking songs doesnt really fit me that much anymore. although i really really know i love them... back in the 90s and before i graduate... but now... simple guitar riffed songs... are the best... shaiits... im getting jack shit old....

went jogging yesterday morning... AND evening...

in the morning... no one was around... i jogged, slowed down my headphones, and suddenly heard the beautiful songs of some weird birds... not a sparrow but nevertheless... soothing. and the breeze from the sea went through.

in the evening... there were people around, parents taking their kids around the park by the beach, kids being curious when im doing my pushups, and tried to do the same thing.... beautiful kids. two tatooed guys were taking their wives and kids in the park, one of them pregnant. 'you dont have to be rich and succesful to have the best things around you in your life', i thought. on the way back as i was jogging, passed by some stalls, and people just bbqin by the beach... hanging out with friends and family... how i wish it was me and the mcGiffs havin 'Our Sunset part II'.

the evenin... just really... really caught me... nice....
(okay... i DONT care if u guys think... aaawww irfan's turning sappy..... aaaww)

this morning... wokeup with pain in my legs hahaha... too much jog i think. but... nice day yesterday, and... this morning... thanks for giving me a good smile for the start of the week. i owe you....

Summer came like cinnamon... so sweet....

The names Bond... James Bond... MOTHERFUCKER.....

Went to watch Casino Royale last weekend. i thought it was the typical Bond movie with those stupid over exaggerated gadgets with flipping cars and where he does almost everything with that expensive watch that i can NEVER afford.

Instead... what i saw in the really sad theater... was a damn kickass movie. Definitely a Bond that's much better than Sean Connery. Pierce Brosnan was a bit on the pussy side. Now Daniel Craig... is the BAD ASS BOND. like... he'd definitely would want to say... 'bond... james bond MOTHERFUCKER'. and then he'd just shoot you down without mercy.

Less gadgets more intense drama... and darkly depressing. my kind of movie. its like batman begins version of James Bond.

Great week indeed....

well i had a good week that could last me till the weekend... which is today. thanks for my visitin friends from KL for a course. lucky marketing ppl... travelling everywhere. i wonder if id ever travel the world.

well went for a lot of jamming, with some great groupies. had fun... and exchanging songs and stories....

but the actual thing that made my week had to be... knowing that i actually created an impact on others to do something good for the needy. thanks.

Sighs and wonders

like usual... mondays are the worst day for most mankind in this world. i loathe to go to work... and i cant stop thinking of the work i have to do. wanted to do some today but just didnt bother to. am gonna push myself tomorrow morning.

why do stupid people tend to give stupid hope and statements to ppl who dont like where they are or what they do seriously? dont they know that's just gonna bring them down more. i have so much rage and revenge in me for these people. i dont even know when i will ever actually dont mind accepting them. go rot and die ignorant fools.

We be Jammin?








our adorable groupies....







last week's wedding... aaawwwww (yeah... sure that's how 'I' felt...sigh)

currently... i think....

I think... I have the greatest friends I could ever wish for,
I think... people only see my outerlayer... and not the real me,
I think... I kinda hate weddings because it makes me feel sore,
I think... I feel miserable but its important for my friends to be happy,

I think...
no matter how people give their advice to put a smile on me,
i feel its useless because deep down... they cant really see,
the pain and the stress that creeps slowly,
into this life, which i think i know, where i'll die... very... very... very... lonely.

by Irfan....

dedicated to myself... sadly... and only.

Stupid humans.....

So seriously... i was browsing through BBC middle this week... and bumped into a video at BBC website in regards to the Japanese inventing a very humanlike android. it cant perform complete tasks yet, but the skin is very human like la basically. even the facial expression are like almost surreal. A lot of people think its AWESOME. Next step to technology revolution.

android neews

do you know what I think? I dont need to be an evil scientist to know the repercussions of genius human like robots. all i need is a whole stack of Terminator from 1 to 3, and Matrix all of it (yes i'll try endure the stupid part 2. sampai skarang tak paham reloaded). from all those... i could sum up... Artificial Intelligence, if not controlled properly, will wipe out the whole mankind on this earth, and start a revolution on their on. well at least... its not gonna be like that for another 100 yrs hopefully. when they start sucking on our life source for energy. AI can be really scary. can you imagine you succumbing to robots who will boss you around, and if you dont listen, they can just flick their finger on your arm and they'll break it? scary shit there!!! seriously... man.... Or.. or... humans start stop being in love with other humans... and besides heterosexual, homosexual preferences... later on, they'll have androidsexual. damn us guys CANT compete with that!! the android man robots could probably have like huge Wangs that's adjustable size, and vibrates. damn... i definitely cant compete with that. DAMN JAPANESE!! STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE ROBOTIC TECHNOLOGY!!!!
(No Nooooo... i'm NOT high while writing this entry)

It's almost a year.....

well... it's 10 more days to 1 year being here in this forsaken place. doing work that i hate, i feel depressed on, and people say, give it one year, things will be okay for you later on. seriously... one year is almost here... im still at the same stage of depression i was in. in fact... worse. i thank god everyday... im a muslim. otherwise id be doing something really stupid that no human will be proud of.

after i finished my jog today... i tried to think of what are the good things that i gained here in bintulu... so this is what i came up with.

1. I learned how to swim
2. I'm learning how to play better guitar, and sharpening it up.
3. I'm learning to appreciate things that I used to have in KK, KL and US.
4. I'm much healthier now... although i think i can still be as healthy elsewhere.

the negatives... i dont even need to start. let's just say... i wish i was really doing marketing or at least they give me the chance to understand and explore other work areas to see if it actually fits me. can't THEY SEE IT????? it's killing me everyday. i look at my past writings... and found out... the ONLY time im happy... is when im not doing work. its too painful too endure.

Time travel or something like that.....

okay... so today i watched this chick flick... 'Lake House'. I'd say... it's ~~okay. It's in regards to this two people on the same date but separated within 2 years, communicate to each other via letters on a mailbox at this lakehouse which Keanu Reeves is in 2004, and Sandra Bullock is in 2006. so well anyway... yes... the movie is somewhat sweet... in a weirdly time confusing manner. but anyway... any movie that relates to time travel, time difference in so related manner... is stupidly confusing. seriously!! the only movie yang aku rasa paham giler2... is Back to the Future I all the to III. Steven Spielberg really did his work well. that's it. other than that... Lake House, Frequency, aper ke jadah lagi... dude... i CANT grasp the concept. like... if someone in the past changes something... with the person in the future knowing it.... suddenly EVERYTHING changes... so technically, NEW memories HAS to develop... and he probably shouldnt be there doing the thing he was doing right to the moment the guy in the past did something to change the future.... faham ke? SEE?? i dont even know if what i wrote make sense. SHHEEEEESH! bongok gilerrrr.

latersss mofoss....

The Connector....

believe it or not... this was one of the best Raya I've ever had. Somehow every year, something awesome happens. but somehow... this was definitely the best. filled with meeting lotsa new ppl, lotsa catching up... and most of all... lotsa lotsa fun.

My current main goal in life:
Making a positive impact and influence in the life of the people around me, and they get to create a chain reaction to be inspired to do the same.

Side goals:
1. completing my to-do list before i die.
2. Be a great connector, maven AND salesman to my friends.

I just love to meet people, and this time, its not just meeting them and forget about it when we part. but instead... meeting them and trying my best keepin contact, regardless if i've only met them once. karma... nice to people... people are nice to you. hopefully.

All i know, I'm leaving for bintulu today... and i really really really hate it. im depressed as soon as i wokeup in the morning AND yesterday's, knowing that i'll be leaving such a beautiful place filled with awesome beautiful life... and joyful great individuals. I cant help it... im not looking forward to work because the only thing i feel when i reach work is sad, depressed and oblivious.its painful, and all i could do is just fake it as much as i can so i wont affect others. seriously, please stop telling me what YOU know what is best for me. YOU ARE NOT ME!!!!!!!!

This raya, I met up with my cool nephews, cousins, high school bud, and awesomely new friends. I would love to elaborate more, but i know im just going to feel much more depressed as im leaving all of them, for something that sucks my soul and turn me into a person im not... every single day.

I've met up with jolly people friends and cousins of my nephew's girlfriend (yes complicated, like some friendster shit thingy, but it was fun), my bitchin about workin life buds here from my major Corp in KK; you guys were serious fun exploring a different part of Tuaran which makes me fall in love with KK much much more(probably such a good place to bring a gf for sappy talks), and a cool sweet lady with damn beautiful smile who i bumped into while i was reading a book in the middle of the ocean 2-3 months ago. somehow she was in town so my cous brought her around... friendly and great stories she has. all i wish is... they enjoy my company, and they enjoy having me around, and will always look forward for another hang out session with me.

will miss all of you.... (btw... i met a maya karin look alike... she was almost.... perfect).

Shooting randomly....

The best Puasa wish i got on the phone was from my cousin:
Bulan Ramadhan nih, kalau nak buat jahat, tepuk dada, tanyalah iman. Janganlah tanya Aiman... pasal nanti, kalau tanya Aiman... Aiman kata... "Aiman tak kesah...."

The best Raya wish i got on the phone was from my colleague:
"BarangSiapa yang mandi dingin di pagi sebelum subuh pada bulan Ramadhan, pastilah dia MENGERJAKAN isterinya di malam sebelumnya... Selamat Hari Raya PUASA....

I've had an 'ambuyat' eating session with my nephew's on his other side of family. it was fun. ambuyat is a brunei ethnic food especially during the war. it's just simple melted sagu, and dipped into yummy fish and bambangan (type of sabah jeruk/pickle). Refer to the video in easy steps to how to eat the ambuyat....



enjoy the pics... with a million stories behind it....


my first day raya... before prayers, i had lemang & serunding... oh and blue cheese with toast. weird man i am huh?





Nadhrah and I... my first day raya... siblings minus 1....


my adorable young2 nephews....













Chillin at Nins with Gerard. in Tuaran with a very simple yet beautiful road trip. Must i say, i should've taken the pics of her house. very simple yet... breathtaking. im soooooo in love... with her house!! muehehehe. Other than that... the simple short road trip offered gorgeous sceneries. i wish i was a pro photographer... than my pics would be really......









ambuyat togethering at Feizal's... good fun indeed but in true fact, i was so bloody tired because i just finished MY open house good fun though

It's just another... lonely day

So around 8pm today... it is official. Hari Raya in Malaysia falls on a Tuesday. As for me here in KK... the minute i stepped on the grounds of KK... I was already so happy. I do not have to listen to the pestering sounds of my boss who's jumpy and very domineering as well. Weird how much effect he has on me. When i see him... i immediately feel so depressed and down, and even if i dont see him, listening to his voice... or a similar accent to his, would just totally wilt me down, making me drown in darkness and sadness... only hoping no one would save me so i'll just be lost in the depression for a certain time period.

Honestly... I need this break. I so need this break as i really love spending time in this City. although strangely enough, some of KK's best hang out places... i heard is actually run by chinese sarawakians. that's sad honestly... no sabahan locals irregardless of what race, is ready enough to step up to these domestic invaders who slowly creeps into the lives of the locals... and make money out of it to live somewhere far and convenient in sarawak. i honestly think its utter BS.

but either way... how i miss sabah so much. okay, i know i sound too over excited, but Borneo has finally opened their very own starbucks... and i'm proud to say... its in KK and not in miri or especially not in bintulu.

Oh well... I have roughly 9 days not to think about the job i hate so much... and I'll spend my best times not thinking about it and just chill and relax most of the time. here in KK... i'll never be bored... but i'll always be relaxed. heehhe.

on to a lighter note....

so... yesterday... I was doing some errands with my mom and my sisters, just picking up contact lenses and what not. It just surprises me how so many people are still doing last minute shoppings and the place just gets sooooo filled up with so many ppl trying to get their hands on as much new stuff as possible. initially, I wanted to do the same. but somehow i managed to refrain myself. i thank god i did... because, what I was about to observe, feel, and share with you what happened later that day... was a moment in my life, in which... i will NEVER trade for anything in the world. BUT, i will share... as my hope with sharing this... i hope to inspire others, and to be less selfish, succumb to the giant capitalists BS by buying branded goods (excessively that is), and never... NEVER thankful... of what they currently have.

Since before Ramadhan... i had this new feeling, to contribute to the world, make a change at least. I did some community services, talks... but i dont know if i made a difference. i dont really feel it... until yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I bought 4 barrels of KFC, and I bought 2 cartons of canned sodas. I was actually nervous when i bought it... as i dont know if the thing that i wanted to do, would ever fulfill my hopes... or better yet... the orphans that i bought the food for. I was driving alone, trying my best in racing againts time for buka puasa, and when im done with buying the necessaries, i was driving my dad's hilux to 120-130 km/hr on curvy roads. all in my head was... oh dear god... please let the food reach them on time.

as soon as i reached there, i saw kids running around, some teenagers helping out a guy probably in his mid-30s setting up a tent. I was greeted by a guy in a kopiah, smiled at me... and i immediately knew he was Ustaz Khairi, the caretaker of the orphanage. i looked at my watch... thank god... i still have about 15 minutes to spare. i was about to carry in the food, but i was helped by some kids in their teens with the food and brought it to the kitchen.

The ustaz then brought me to a hallway and we stood outside a medium hall with a TV hung on the corner of the hall. i was greeted by small kids, and they shook and kissed my hand. and i honestly was touched. the ustaz told me how this puasa, usually the kids are invited to buka puasa for various events, and that day was the first time that they were just going to buka without a presence of a guest at the place they call home. they didnt expect that a dude calling them up to bring some food that day... and they didnt actually expect the person wanted to sit down and spend time with the kids for buka and talk to them asking them how they were doing. most of the time, the donors would just pass food to them, and leave.

i thank god for giving me that opportunity honestly, to spend time with those kids. i felt sad initially because of their status, but then amazed because of their independence, their strength at such a young age, and then i was sad again i had to say goodbye to these great kids... much better than any kids i have ever seen... even in myself back then when i was a teenager.

the place caters for kids starting around the age of 7, and the eldest kids they have are two kids one 17, and the otherr 18. these teens however, look after the younger ones the best they can, and contribute and help the younger ones in facing this world and letting them know, that they will always have support. I was so touched on how these kids were so obedient, and they were so thankful of what they already have, and they didnt ask for anything more.

i sat down in a table with a group of boys, drinking the sodas that i brought, and they were chewing on that kurma that they probably gotten for a derma. then i spent time with them in the surau praying for maghrib. i honestly was amazed with what i saw. the kids actually pray with me, with the imam, unlike the kids you usually see running around during prayers in the masjid, not giving a care of the world. and they are around the same age. it just completely blows me off.

i was chatting with the 17 yr old, asked about his SPM paper and what is his plans after SPM. 'tunggu result, lepas tuh tunggu offer kalau result bagus insyaAllah... dan sementara tunggu keputusan, kerja part-time di sini lah tolong adik2'. yes... that's what he said. after my SPM, i was a spoilt brat spending the money my mom gave buying CDs, clothes, an hung out in KLCC doing nothing not being thankful of the wonderful things around me that ACTUALLY matters.

I then snapped some pics of them lining up for the KFC i bought, and i was kinda sad, knowing that... if i didnt bring the food, they probably would only eat sayur masak lemak and rice and... that's it. that's it. i cudnt fathom the fact. and the fact that some people dont even finish their food, and just throw it away without a care in the world... is just sad. they might as well didnt spend that money on the food, and buy clothes for people who REALLY REALLY need it.

thank god i broke up. i could now have a much better purpose of where to spend the money. rather than waste money to someone who was so shallow and blind on materials around her... might as well i spend it here. as i sat down and mingled with them, the latest addition in their family, couldnt really finish the food given, and his 'brothers' came beside him, told him not to push himself... and the 'brothers' helped him finish his food. they really made a point NOT to membazir. Please people... be more thankful. when u eat, and u think u cant finish, u could either get it for to-go/take away/tapau/bungkuih noo ... or better yet, estimateh how much u can eat, and eat proportionately. please people...dont waste, and be thankful... of what you have. those extra food that you didnt spend on could probably be donated for a much better cause.

I cant describe the feeling... as i was about to leave, i took pics with them and they were so excited, and some gave me a hug, and all of them begged me to drop by on the 2nd day of raya for their open house in which i am usually not free as i'll be in kampung at that time. so i was really sad since i couldnt fulfill their wishes that day. but... honestly... seeing their faces light up with just the KFC on their plate, their laughters with the simple jokes from their caretaker... seeing that... just really gave me a more cause to give... and give... and not stop.

i cant really describe the great feeling i had. I'm amazed that these young kids are much stronger that anyone i know... and they're just so much SOOOO much younger than we are. I cant describe it. it was just so exhilirating, and all i can say, please do try it if u have the time and money. if you're in KK... and i'd be happy enough to take you there... to the minds and leaders of our tomorrow. that experience you get... i bet you... you would never want to trade away.

damn i miss them. just comes to show... all the adidas you have, the gucci u wear, the expensive skin care, the expensive cars for you to flash... is NOTHING. NOTHING to me...and especially to those who are already... very satisfied, with one ketul KFC per person, plus one lone guy, listening to the stories of their day, and how Coke actually 'has' ajinomoto in them. adorable, strong, beautiful kids they are. God i pray that you help these kids to be a great person in Malaysia someday. Amin..... this is for the kids.....

i'm tellin this because i pray hopefully that i inspire some of my readers, to do the same. and i hope you guys could inspire others as well, so on and so forth. like my college always say... 'Why not change the world?' so this is what i'm doing... and hoping you will do the same.....

Pics describe a thousand words....Ustaz khairi, redzuan, saffiee, izzati, sazrina, tilka, subri, sabri, sabli, are some of the names that i remember from the short rewarding day.,...




waiting for buka.....


Lining up for Colonel Sanders... thank you colonel sanders....


sweet child not of mine....


the ustaz and i, and the eldest one on my left side... redzuan and another helping their brother to finish his food


i know the angle looks bad... but the ustaz DID try. kesian dier hahaaha. i went alone there... but i was accepted there... and i was happy... till today.

happy deepavali to whom it may concern.....

todi, sung, ajeem, ija, and fera (i bet todi wanted me to include this ferr.. sorry!!)

this movie is dedicated to you guys....

The Belalai....

My Hi-fi's waiting... for a new tune....

It's now the 22nd day of ramadhan. How is it so far... god knows. all in my head is im looking forward to go back to KK and chill there with my family and especially my nephews and drive late nite by the beach alone with the windows down....

The past whole month was a soul searching event for me. Honestly, besides being rigorous, pushing my dear life to the limits with extreme sports (but still in a very safe way), straining my body as much as i can, i still find that there's still so much that i need to accomplish in this world. what will be my catalyst in this world to push me to the actual limits, not only in energetically and mentally, but most of all... spritituality as well.

Last weekend... i volunteered to help setup this event for Buka Puasa with orphans, most of them are not actualy piatu, but just yatim. but still... i made a point to help out nevertheless. took their pics and show it to them on my rundown digital camera to see the smile on their faces, and then i sat down with them for dinner as i mingled with them. their innocent laughters and all i hope is that they will know someone will always be there for them regardless what their situation is.

then yesterday, during the day time, i volunteered myself again to give a motivational talk on unwind on stress for SPM students. I dont know if i did good, but all i know is, there were so much laughter, and eyes that are wide awake. I just hope, there are some words in there, that will stick in their hearts, which they will be able to send it down to others. and benefit others as well. i just dont know if it was good enough, if it was sufficient enough for them. that was my only worry.

right after that, i also joined the adopt a child for a day program during this month of ramadhan. i dont know if im great with kids, if i could grab their attention, if i could create a certain impact for them. god knows. I got a 12 yr old boy, Ahmad Tarmimi Masuud, and i just took him shopping the whole day. he was very hesitant with all the stuff that i wanted to buy and give him, baju melayu for hari raya, yaasin, a pair of futsal shoes, a tshirt, a sweater, some food, and some Raya allowance as well. the problem is, the child was so quiet, and i asked if everything is okay and all, and he only nodded yes. he only kept quiet most of the time, and when i asked him, he'll say only very little words.

Albeit, after all this... I worry if what i did for him... was NOT sufficient enough. was it enough to show this one child, that there will always be someone in this world irregardless of his situation? he's the only child and he's dad passed away due to cardiac attack at the age of 39. the mom doesnt work apparently, and only bakes kuih and gets income from there. the aunt helps him out with school. he'll be going to kuching for his highschool he's going there alone to stay with his cousins, while his mother stays alone here in bintulu. I was restless till i got home and fell asleep. I was worried if he was actually happy with all the stuff that i bought him for his raya, which are the stuff that he rarely gets. towards the end of the session, i only managed to tell him somewhat this... 'I'm doing this ikhlas, and my only hope is, that he grows up to be good man, and hopefully, he could be able to help others in his situation later on... and so on and so on....'

that was my time... spending time with the innocent young kids, the bright minds of tomorrow, who... i know, with proper guidance and nurture, could probably lead a major company, an army, or even a country. I dont think i did enough, and will not stop here. Dear god, i pray that you help these kids, to grow up nicely, and will always do the same as i have done for them to others... maybe even better. Was he happy? Were the SPM kids laughing only and didnt benefit anything? Were sitting with the kids during break fast make them feel excited and secured knowing that everyone will always except them regardless of what? is this enough? is it?? what else can i do? how can i help them more?

am i worrying too much? im not happy yet. there's so much to do... and i dont know if i'll ever get to do it... i just... dont... know.....

one of my cool wall climbing sessions last month....


with Sza-Sza before actorlympics last month....


break fast and donations for some orphans at the Masjid Asyakirin last week....






My adopted son... well brother laa... son just makes me sound freakin old...



twins... mighty energetic. if i was taking care of them yesterday, id probably completely pass out by the time i get home....


waheeda's sweet adopted 5 yr old sister on Sandy's lap... doesnt like me though. i wonder why...


Me, my adopted brother, hairun and his adopted brother... hairun's the shorter one. yeap... he got a tall lank form 1 kid....