yet another weekend done....
alrites... its yet another weekend in this boring dull dull place. my only highlight of this week was talking to 1717 on the phone, dinner at pizza hut with Sza2, and end the weekend with my sweet atiee. thanks girl. you were a great chat for closing the sucky week. so what have i done during the week. i dont know. all i know... ive been going through a lot of phases, and consulting so many ppl on career change. im still thinking about whether im going to do the career change or not. im not sure. right now... im so thinking of going into marketing. then after that, id probably do further studies on my own for MBA, maybe even CA. god knows. im praying for the best right now. hopefully i get to do what i want to do. im just praying every single day for He to show me what should my career path be. what's the best. what fits my soul, what jives with it... and something that i look forward in doing almost every single day. praying that id be shown the right path, right way of career that i look forward to almost every single day, not something id lay my head on the car window with my earphones on and watching my life go by just like that... Cement plants, edible oil plants, natural gas plants and finally... my job. im just prayin for the best.
isnt it weird... the only thing that differentiate of what i would be doing was a 'YES' or 'NO' to the question of 'Irfan, awak sure ke awak nak buat benda yang awak belajar skang nih?'.... and i said yes.... i think... i was really still influenced by everyone else in this world. after that... all i wanted to do was talk about something one is very passionate about. regardless the cash the money, will you be selfish? would you want to wait till your 45 to actually find what you really want to do? god knows.... one of the person i was consulting... kinda said something that i totally didnt expect... 'biasalah... dunia itu kejjam...' i was like... did he just say that? and he started saying things like 'biar pun apa jadikk, jangan kamu percaya dgn siapa2, biarpun bestfren kamu sendiri. saya sudah merasa assam garam itu... hakikat nya... dunia itu sangat kejam....' im like... great... im screwed for life. period. but im not going to let one thought out of 10 ppl i asked bring me down. so... im just hangin there. wondering more. probably be going to the top guy before he leaves for good. id probably listen to what he says more. hopefully its something i want to hear. hopefully.
I've actually already signed up to give talk for high school kids. a career talk. i voluntarily do this... mainly because... i dont want them to repeat the same mistakes i did. god knows... hopefully they get to do what they want... one day. hopefully.
aside all the thoughts and all... i was doing emceeing for two events. damn... it was nt easy... it was damn tiring. hahaha. damn tiring. dah laa panas plak tuh. i think its scorching season in bintulu now. seriously... i think there's only like 2 seasons here. its either really raining season, or hot scorching season. yeapss. last nite i learned it the hard way. i felt like swimming in the middle of noon at the club and went for a dip. never going to do that again. the water was nice and all. but damn it... the sunburn is BAAAAAD. im red, and hurting here. i cant even scratch my back. seriously it hurts. then, i also learned that... always check your pockets befre doing laundry. ive always checked, but completely forgot because almost all the time, my shirt pocket will be only a pen and name tag. that day, i had a cigar in the pocket. completely forgot about it. hence... bye bye cigar. and damn it... i have NOT smoked that for a while!! how sad is that.
well... its the end of the week... i have an audit next week... stupid association doing last minute HSE audit. damn it. im trying to prepare the bloody presentation and the deadline is by tomorrow noon. please please please. wish me luck... in my search for my right career, in my audit, in my life, in this place.... and good luck to you guys as well.....
Thursday, March 16, 2006
something fishy going on.....
alrite... im on fire. muahaha. terasa nak citer campur2. okay, i was sitting down in the car with my friend on the way back kan, and suddenly i was reminiscing back my fishing days masa kat Troy dulu. hehehe.
it was one of the funniest time to remember (i bet u it was NOT funny then!!). you know laa kan how bongok is it that we need a license to fish in the states right? and you're only entitled to 2 fishing rods per license. so, one sunday morning, tah hari tuh dah laa mmg tak dapat ikan mautnyer, strangely enough we stayed quite late sampai 9 pagi lebey. that time ada taroi, harun, and i. so we were fishing kan... tup2 ranger sampaaaaai. pastuh dier datang, harun mmg tader lesen, aku ada lesen, taroi ada lesen. pastuh mamat renjer tuh datang, and start checking. btw, that morning, ada dua ikan tangkap. taroi and harun. comel laa ikan bass kecik2. then the ranger checked for license... harun kene. abish. kene laa saman harun. tup2... dier tengok plak ikan bass dua ekor tuh. pastuh dier kuar measuring tape, start ukur.
he started saying in a deep loud voice, 'you guys know that the size limit for a bass is 12 inches right?'. then masa dier ukur 2 ekor ikan tuh, the three of us were looking at each other, geleng kepala. sekor tuh taroi nyer ikan, sekor lagik harun nyer. strangely enough i was happy that i didnt get a fish that day. giler jeles aa arituh memula. skali tup2... taroi ngaku ikan dier. then the cop started asking again.
'how bout the other one, who's fish is it?'
i was looking at harun, and like... DUDE... ngaku laa cepat.... and at the same time i was thinking like.... kimak aper mamat renjer nih, its a freakin sunday morning, is he like a buddhist or sumthing?? then that damn guy opened his mouth again...
'i asked the first time round, whose FISH is this? i wont hesitate to give everyone a ticket if i dont get an answer!'
i was like... aper kimak mamat nih. ikan seciput kecik tuh pun nak buat reality TV bad boys. i can imagine the three of us running away and ada camera kejar kiterang, taroi probably tak pakai baju, and harun pakai singlet jekk, pastuh aku pakai tshirt paktam labuh besar. and ada lagu 'bad boys bad boys watcha gonna do when the come for u...' and the fucking ranger would start taking out his gun, and call for fucking backup 'we got a live one!! need back up!!'... just for a FUCKING small bass that's less than 12 inches!!! bongok ke aper US nih?
pastuh aku pun ngaku laaa aku nyer ikan. Harun u soooo owe me big time til now.ahahah... so then the three of us came back with tickets.... for fishiiiin. yeaap... how cool are we.... some ppl had to drive up til 150 mph, but we just weeeeent fishin. we are THE definition of BAD BOYS. a month after that, a letter came in, saying that i had to pay 50 bucks for the summons. kalau tak bayar, lesen keta aku kene gantung, tak pun kene jail. BONGOK tak? hahahah. sangat bongok, for one bloody small fish, tader lesen memancing bla bla bla. rasa nak sepak jekk mat salleh tuh.
strangely enough, the next year, aku dgn taroi datang balik fishing. this time just the two of us. it was early, seperti biasa... aku malas nak tunjuk skill, so takdapat ikan. pastuh taroi plak... tiba2 bunyi tali.... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt!! i was like.. aaa burit laa taroi. taroi muka bongkak sekali angkat rod tuh... tarik terus ikan bass tuh. mmg cool laaa.. siap melompat2 lagik dari air. kali nih ikan tuh besar la gak. tader laa besar giler. tapi aku rasa lebey kurang 15 inch camtuh la. yang tak tahan tuh... kiterang siap cakap lagik... 'wey dude, kalau mamat polis tuh datang lagik, aper dier nak cakap skang? lesen ada, ikan pun besar. dier cakap banyak, aku campak ikan tuh kat muka dier.'
tup tup not long after that... guess who came... a ranger car stopped. tup2 yang kuar.... ranger sama from last year. chewahh... kemain lagik bersemangat nak cakap kat mamat bongok tuh. dier check lesen. 'can i see you fishing license...'
taroi dgn aku pun bangga laa 'yeapps.. we're prepared here....' pastuh the guy tengok lesen... pass. pastuh dier tengok ikan.... aku dgn taroi senyum.
'who's fish is this?' he asked.
'mine sir, and its big, this time its not 12 inches. maybe 15 like that' taroi kata.
aku pun bersemangat laa nak backup....
'yeaap... its his, and i think its bigger than 12. we measured it too....'
pastu mamat ranger tuh rileeeek jek jawaab kat kiterang....
'good... but you DO know its not BASS SEASON YET....' then immediately took it his summon ticket... dan saman taroi. simulatenously... taroi's face was in shock... and in awe.... hahahha....
we were looking at each other. aku dah nak gelak pecah perut giler babi...taroi dah ternganga baik nya. aku straight lari pi tepi.... rasa nak terguling2 kat tepi tuh. ikut kan nak tunjuk kat muka taroi pastuh gelak... 'MUAHAHAHAHA!! in your FAAACEE!! nak baling konoooon!!' hahahahaha. taroi, taroi... mmg kelakar la kau.u know i have love for u dude....hehe.
only in the US my friends. it was definitely very funny if u think about it now. its like one of the best experiences ive had.
ikan kecik ku....
badik hampa tader hasil....
kawan baik taroi... encik renjer....
smooochy my fishy....
those were the days... miss ~~~flyiiin.....
alrite... im on fire. muahaha. terasa nak citer campur2. okay, i was sitting down in the car with my friend on the way back kan, and suddenly i was reminiscing back my fishing days masa kat Troy dulu. hehehe.
it was one of the funniest time to remember (i bet u it was NOT funny then!!). you know laa kan how bongok is it that we need a license to fish in the states right? and you're only entitled to 2 fishing rods per license. so, one sunday morning, tah hari tuh dah laa mmg tak dapat ikan mautnyer, strangely enough we stayed quite late sampai 9 pagi lebey. that time ada taroi, harun, and i. so we were fishing kan... tup2 ranger sampaaaaai. pastuh dier datang, harun mmg tader lesen, aku ada lesen, taroi ada lesen. pastuh mamat renjer tuh datang, and start checking. btw, that morning, ada dua ikan tangkap. taroi and harun. comel laa ikan bass kecik2. then the ranger checked for license... harun kene. abish. kene laa saman harun. tup2... dier tengok plak ikan bass dua ekor tuh. pastuh dier kuar measuring tape, start ukur.
he started saying in a deep loud voice, 'you guys know that the size limit for a bass is 12 inches right?'. then masa dier ukur 2 ekor ikan tuh, the three of us were looking at each other, geleng kepala. sekor tuh taroi nyer ikan, sekor lagik harun nyer. strangely enough i was happy that i didnt get a fish that day. giler jeles aa arituh memula. skali tup2... taroi ngaku ikan dier. then the cop started asking again.
'how bout the other one, who's fish is it?'
i was looking at harun, and like... DUDE... ngaku laa cepat.... and at the same time i was thinking like.... kimak aper mamat renjer nih, its a freakin sunday morning, is he like a buddhist or sumthing?? then that damn guy opened his mouth again...
'i asked the first time round, whose FISH is this? i wont hesitate to give everyone a ticket if i dont get an answer!'
i was like... aper kimak mamat nih. ikan seciput kecik tuh pun nak buat reality TV bad boys. i can imagine the three of us running away and ada camera kejar kiterang, taroi probably tak pakai baju, and harun pakai singlet jekk, pastuh aku pakai tshirt paktam labuh besar. and ada lagu 'bad boys bad boys watcha gonna do when the come for u...' and the fucking ranger would start taking out his gun, and call for fucking backup 'we got a live one!! need back up!!'... just for a FUCKING small bass that's less than 12 inches!!! bongok ke aper US nih?
pastuh aku pun ngaku laaa aku nyer ikan. Harun u soooo owe me big time til now.ahahah... so then the three of us came back with tickets.... for fishiiiin. yeaap... how cool are we.... some ppl had to drive up til 150 mph, but we just weeeeent fishin. we are THE definition of BAD BOYS. a month after that, a letter came in, saying that i had to pay 50 bucks for the summons. kalau tak bayar, lesen keta aku kene gantung, tak pun kene jail. BONGOK tak? hahahah. sangat bongok, for one bloody small fish, tader lesen memancing bla bla bla. rasa nak sepak jekk mat salleh tuh.
strangely enough, the next year, aku dgn taroi datang balik fishing. this time just the two of us. it was early, seperti biasa... aku malas nak tunjuk skill, so takdapat ikan. pastuh taroi plak... tiba2 bunyi tali.... bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzztttt!! i was like.. aaa burit laa taroi. taroi muka bongkak sekali angkat rod tuh... tarik terus ikan bass tuh. mmg cool laaa.. siap melompat2 lagik dari air. kali nih ikan tuh besar la gak. tader laa besar giler. tapi aku rasa lebey kurang 15 inch camtuh la. yang tak tahan tuh... kiterang siap cakap lagik... 'wey dude, kalau mamat polis tuh datang lagik, aper dier nak cakap skang? lesen ada, ikan pun besar. dier cakap banyak, aku campak ikan tuh kat muka dier.'
tup tup not long after that... guess who came... a ranger car stopped. tup2 yang kuar.... ranger sama from last year. chewahh... kemain lagik bersemangat nak cakap kat mamat bongok tuh. dier check lesen. 'can i see you fishing license...'
taroi dgn aku pun bangga laa 'yeapps.. we're prepared here....' pastuh the guy tengok lesen... pass. pastuh dier tengok ikan.... aku dgn taroi senyum.
'who's fish is this?' he asked.
'mine sir, and its big, this time its not 12 inches. maybe 15 like that' taroi kata.
aku pun bersemangat laa nak backup....
'yeaap... its his, and i think its bigger than 12. we measured it too....'
pastu mamat ranger tuh rileeeek jek jawaab kat kiterang....
'good... but you DO know its not BASS SEASON YET....' then immediately took it his summon ticket... dan saman taroi. simulatenously... taroi's face was in shock... and in awe.... hahahha....
we were looking at each other. aku dah nak gelak pecah perut giler babi...taroi dah ternganga baik nya. aku straight lari pi tepi.... rasa nak terguling2 kat tepi tuh. ikut kan nak tunjuk kat muka taroi pastuh gelak... 'MUAHAHAHAHA!! in your FAAACEE!! nak baling konoooon!!' hahahahaha. taroi, taroi... mmg kelakar la kau.u know i have love for u dude....hehe.
only in the US my friends. it was definitely very funny if u think about it now. its like one of the best experiences ive had.
ikan kecik ku....
badik hampa tader hasil....
kawan baik taroi... encik renjer....
smooochy my fishy....
those were the days... miss ~~~flyiiin.....
Sunday, March 12, 2006
bintulu jetlag....
im back in bintulu... after only one full day stay, and two nites, and one half day there. was worth it? it always is, and always will be. i was suppose to be back from KL on thursday... but due to some current events within my department... 2 hours before the flight... i was told not to go. last time... same thing happened... i went to the rest room, let off some steam... because i was so pissed. this time... i was shocked... but i was sad... only sad to know that lili was already excited in meeting me and picking me up at the airport. i smsed her, and told her i was not able to come. i was so very sorry, i really didnt mean it. then i picked up the phone to cancel the tix. within 2 minutes while the travel agent was talking on the phone that the company would be charged cancellation fee... lili's face just flashed in front of me, her being sad and all, and how she really really means to me, i decided to tell the travel agent to go on with the ticket, but i'll be back on sunday, and im paying with my own money. i didnt care. i really wanted this to happen. call me a cheesy romantic prick... i dont give a fuck. she means so much to me... i could not back down on someone i love now. so i went. it turned out to be one of the biggest change of thought, paradigm shift of my life.....
i read this book you know.... ermm... yes.. 'The Alchemist', by Paul Coelho. i rarely promote books in details in my blogs... but i must say.... this book, grips my heart as i was sitting in the middle of coffee bean in ampang, as the story, of a shepherd boy, who sold all his flocks of his sheep to reach his destiny, and those people who dont do something to achieve their destiny, they'll grow old... and quite complacent and decided that just leave their destiny, and do something they dont really like... and actually regret in themselves later on of how it would've been if they actually tried to reached their destiny. yes... it was about the book of destiny.... it was a n awesome book to read... and i could not wait to read it all over again. read it... if you're really lost of what you aactually WANT to do, this is definitely the book to reead!!!
well definitely read it again!! hahahaa.... seriously... get it.. is sooo awsome. about fulfillng your destiny no matter how fucked up the difficulties or obstacle were, you'd deifinitely LOVe this book.... awesome. but then again... reading this book has made me think more whether i'll be stuck in this hole forever? isnt it weird, i know i dont like what im doing since i started studying in the states... but then... i stayed through, and just didnt care of what might happen... and look what i feel now. i want to be like the shepherd boy... trying his best to fulfill his destiny, just doing what he really wants and gambles his life by selling his sheep, going away from his home, and travel the deserts just to reach his one thing he wanted to know in his life... his destiny, and his love. great book it is.
lastly, to my brother, faidz, you have flown, and all i can say, you were the coolest friend since i got here in malaysia, and without you, there KL would be something so ordinary that ive been doing the past 5 years i was staying there. i thank you very much. you know you're going to be living the life, travelling, being the shepherd yourself, finding love, and understanding life and the Soul of the World at the same time. i hope to see you again, take care... and good luck. you know you'd do great my man.....
one of the coolest dude ive known... rock on terror trio... rock ooon....
i dont believe in goodbyes... i only believe in see you agains....
'Goodbyes give me sorethroats... i need more hellos....' - from one of the last comic strip by the creator of Charlie Brown....
im back in bintulu... after only one full day stay, and two nites, and one half day there. was worth it? it always is, and always will be. i was suppose to be back from KL on thursday... but due to some current events within my department... 2 hours before the flight... i was told not to go. last time... same thing happened... i went to the rest room, let off some steam... because i was so pissed. this time... i was shocked... but i was sad... only sad to know that lili was already excited in meeting me and picking me up at the airport. i smsed her, and told her i was not able to come. i was so very sorry, i really didnt mean it. then i picked up the phone to cancel the tix. within 2 minutes while the travel agent was talking on the phone that the company would be charged cancellation fee... lili's face just flashed in front of me, her being sad and all, and how she really really means to me, i decided to tell the travel agent to go on with the ticket, but i'll be back on sunday, and im paying with my own money. i didnt care. i really wanted this to happen. call me a cheesy romantic prick... i dont give a fuck. she means so much to me... i could not back down on someone i love now. so i went. it turned out to be one of the biggest change of thought, paradigm shift of my life.....
i read this book you know.... ermm... yes.. 'The Alchemist', by Paul Coelho. i rarely promote books in details in my blogs... but i must say.... this book, grips my heart as i was sitting in the middle of coffee bean in ampang, as the story, of a shepherd boy, who sold all his flocks of his sheep to reach his destiny, and those people who dont do something to achieve their destiny, they'll grow old... and quite complacent and decided that just leave their destiny, and do something they dont really like... and actually regret in themselves later on of how it would've been if they actually tried to reached their destiny. yes... it was about the book of destiny.... it was a n awesome book to read... and i could not wait to read it all over again. read it... if you're really lost of what you aactually WANT to do, this is definitely the book to reead!!!
well definitely read it again!! hahahaa.... seriously... get it.. is sooo awsome. about fulfillng your destiny no matter how fucked up the difficulties or obstacle were, you'd deifinitely LOVe this book.... awesome. but then again... reading this book has made me think more whether i'll be stuck in this hole forever? isnt it weird, i know i dont like what im doing since i started studying in the states... but then... i stayed through, and just didnt care of what might happen... and look what i feel now. i want to be like the shepherd boy... trying his best to fulfill his destiny, just doing what he really wants and gambles his life by selling his sheep, going away from his home, and travel the deserts just to reach his one thing he wanted to know in his life... his destiny, and his love. great book it is.
lastly, to my brother, faidz, you have flown, and all i can say, you were the coolest friend since i got here in malaysia, and without you, there KL would be something so ordinary that ive been doing the past 5 years i was staying there. i thank you very much. you know you're going to be living the life, travelling, being the shepherd yourself, finding love, and understanding life and the Soul of the World at the same time. i hope to see you again, take care... and good luck. you know you'd do great my man.....
one of the coolest dude ive known... rock on terror trio... rock ooon....
i dont believe in goodbyes... i only believe in see you agains....
'Goodbyes give me sorethroats... i need more hellos....' - from one of the last comic strip by the creator of Charlie Brown....
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Happy Bday to Hafiz Hatim... aka Abe aka my brother.....
Happy Bday to the one guy who has been there for my four years in RPI. we chilled, we laughed, we fly, we rocked RPI. RPI would be less awesome if you werent there... in a totally straight way. thanks for being there for all the times in my four years... and especially during my most fucked up times... thanks for being there... in a totally straight way. thanks for being a brother, and complete with our manly bonding sessions that we should not stop even after we start working... make the terror trio complete. wish you were here this weekend... we couldve fly together all the terror trio and just rock KL with all the 'we're so EXTREME!!!' activities. happy bday man... you know i got love for you... in a totally straight way.
seriously bro... i dont know how many times have we played this stupid game... we never fucking win!! especially that house of the dead 3. burit tol. i think we spent like 300 bucks on this games man... seriously....
perasan hensem....
mari kita teka apsal mata abe sepeeeeeet!! pasaaaaal... abe baru bangun tidooooo hehehe.
nande datte ba youu....
brokeback mountain... in a totally straight way....
happy bday you biatch.... wish i was there.... (your bday pic exactly 2 years ago)
Happy Bday to the one guy who has been there for my four years in RPI. we chilled, we laughed, we fly, we rocked RPI. RPI would be less awesome if you werent there... in a totally straight way. thanks for being there for all the times in my four years... and especially during my most fucked up times... thanks for being there... in a totally straight way. thanks for being a brother, and complete with our manly bonding sessions that we should not stop even after we start working... make the terror trio complete. wish you were here this weekend... we couldve fly together all the terror trio and just rock KL with all the 'we're so EXTREME!!!' activities. happy bday man... you know i got love for you... in a totally straight way.
seriously bro... i dont know how many times have we played this stupid game... we never fucking win!! especially that house of the dead 3. burit tol. i think we spent like 300 bucks on this games man... seriously....
perasan hensem....
mari kita teka apsal mata abe sepeeeeeet!! pasaaaaal... abe baru bangun tidooooo hehehe.
nande datte ba youu....
brokeback mountain... in a totally straight way....
happy bday you biatch.... wish i was there.... (your bday pic exactly 2 years ago)
Monday, February 20, 2006
thinking.....
I just got back from my beloved town... kota kinabalu last nite. it was a 3 day stay with 2 nights in one of the coolest hotel ive ever been to. le meridien... plasma TV in each room WITH a dvd player. i had a course for this community service that i signed up for, which is going to chosen schools (mainly kampung schools), and try to help them, motivate them to be better individuals in the future. all in all... it was an AWESOME course. we laughed, we played games, we sang this rap song called 'i'm a beaver'. and the song just got stuck into my head for the rest of the stay, even rite now. yes it was fun.
another cool thing was that... i was able to bring my friends around kk. although time was precious, but i took them from one end to the other, went to shennanigans, and i really thought ive lost my legs in there. seriously, its the best band ive been to so far. second comes in the band that plays in hardrock. and this is the cool one... the band that's playing in shennanigans, Amplified Rescue Team (ART), will be playing in Hardrock KL this JUNE!! i recommend everyone to go see it! it was an awesome feeling to know that the band recognize me and lili, and just talked to them and all. hahaha. ive never felt cooler. im definitely going to see them in june. hopefully the plant's turnaround wont block me or anything.
but the biggest impact of me going to kk this time, was more emotional. for all my stay there, i went to see my beloved nenek. she's been on her bed for like 6-7 years now. couldn't stand up and completely lost her left side ability. slowly, within those 7 years... her memories of little things fade, leaving only the ones that she dears the most... and that's not even all the time. somehow, everytime i come back, she'd recognize me as ive always been visiting her when i was a kid. but then, when i came back this time, about 3-4 weeks ago, she's lost her ability to speak, and even now, i have to whisper into her ear. during my stay there, from the first day she didnt seem to say anything to me. things she says always has been a mumble, and it was very difficult for me to understand. she didnt seem to recognize me, and only gave me a nice pat on the shoulders... until my last day there.
i went to see her early in the morning around 730 pm after i paid my respects at my arwah uncles and datuk. my aunt was still asleep, and the my nenek's caretaker just finished giving my nenek a bath. then i went to my nenek, hugged her, and whisper assalammualaikum... she just gave me a pat... no answer. then, like always, i whispered into her ear again, and told her 'nek, irfan nih, anak si ratna...' she patted again.... then suddenly she was mumbling, then she took a deep breath... and let out the first 2 very clear words that ive heard since i was there... 'Cucu ku... Cucu ku...' and tearing up at the same time... and guess what... i dont even care what ppl think... i cried. yes... a grown man. everytime i see her after not seeing her a while, she'd almost always touches my heart just knowng the fact that she'd remember me. then it was a short 4 - 5 mins conversation. i told her i just got back from kubur, and she said 'syukur la alhamdulillah'. then i apologized to her for not being there all the time as i was studying in KL, US, and now working in bintulu. then she said 'ndak apalah irfan... carik makan'. she smiled. i broke down. then i told her im now working in sarawak, then she said 'kawin sama orang sarawak la kau nih...' she smiled. i only laughed, 'and said i 'lambat2 lagi nek, kumpul duit dulu'.... then she smiled, 'bila mau kawin? tambah laa cicit nenek nnt'... and she laughed, with me sobbing, she still managed to crack a smile on my face... and i love her for that. there were some more, and then i whispered to her... 'nenek, mau dengar Al-fatihah?' and she nodded slightly... then i whispered her the Al-fatihah... tearing up... but held it in my best as i wanted to have a clear tajwid. then i kissed her forehead. and my last whisper to her was... 'nek... kalau ndak sempat nek... irfan mau minta maaf dulu nek. minta maaf untuk semua kesalahan jika ada. terima kasih byk2 la untuk semua nek. irfan sayang nenek.' at that time... she was just quiet, and patting me on the shoulders. i kissed her hands so many times, then kissed her once on the forehead, and on the cheek. even though she's 96 this year, she still has a nice soft skin. but... when its time... its time. then i stood up... looked behind, and saw her abled hand, rise up from the bad, and waved a goodbye... i dont even know if its going to be the last. and i left....
i remember, before i went to the states, i prayed to Allah, that He wont take away my nenek before i come back from the states... and now, im thinkin of praying to Him not to take her away while im working... and take her away while im by her side, holding her hand. but am i being selfish? i dont know... sometimes, i heard from my aunt, my nenek has already been talking to herself, saying 'tunggu mawar, ndak lama lagi, datang la aku.' and mawar is her little sister who passed away last year. and her smiling, while looking up, and when asked she'd say its my arwah grandfather, waiting for her to join him soon. i dont know anymore. all i know, i pray the best for her, i pray that Allah takes her peacefully, and let her be around those who are in iman. i wish i'd be there do when its time. but then... when its time... its time.
id always remember when she taught me to read the quran on sundays, and make me pisang goreng and her hot milked milo for me. even though i dont drink milked milo, for her, as long as she's happy to know im here for her... i dont mind. the times ive always smiled when i kiss her hand when she was still walking, and seemed smaller everytime i come and see her after a while. the time she had that argument with my mom for making me study in Alam Shah, or last hari raya when i told her, she's still the most beautiful woman in the family... she'd laugh. id remember the best i can about my dearest nenek... and thank her for all the good things she showed me, and be the most patient person no matter what happens. thank you... and i love you... my nenek.........
I just got back from my beloved town... kota kinabalu last nite. it was a 3 day stay with 2 nights in one of the coolest hotel ive ever been to. le meridien... plasma TV in each room WITH a dvd player. i had a course for this community service that i signed up for, which is going to chosen schools (mainly kampung schools), and try to help them, motivate them to be better individuals in the future. all in all... it was an AWESOME course. we laughed, we played games, we sang this rap song called 'i'm a beaver'. and the song just got stuck into my head for the rest of the stay, even rite now. yes it was fun.
another cool thing was that... i was able to bring my friends around kk. although time was precious, but i took them from one end to the other, went to shennanigans, and i really thought ive lost my legs in there. seriously, its the best band ive been to so far. second comes in the band that plays in hardrock. and this is the cool one... the band that's playing in shennanigans, Amplified Rescue Team (ART), will be playing in Hardrock KL this JUNE!! i recommend everyone to go see it! it was an awesome feeling to know that the band recognize me and lili, and just talked to them and all. hahaha. ive never felt cooler. im definitely going to see them in june. hopefully the plant's turnaround wont block me or anything.
but the biggest impact of me going to kk this time, was more emotional. for all my stay there, i went to see my beloved nenek. she's been on her bed for like 6-7 years now. couldn't stand up and completely lost her left side ability. slowly, within those 7 years... her memories of little things fade, leaving only the ones that she dears the most... and that's not even all the time. somehow, everytime i come back, she'd recognize me as ive always been visiting her when i was a kid. but then, when i came back this time, about 3-4 weeks ago, she's lost her ability to speak, and even now, i have to whisper into her ear. during my stay there, from the first day she didnt seem to say anything to me. things she says always has been a mumble, and it was very difficult for me to understand. she didnt seem to recognize me, and only gave me a nice pat on the shoulders... until my last day there.
i went to see her early in the morning around 730 pm after i paid my respects at my arwah uncles and datuk. my aunt was still asleep, and the my nenek's caretaker just finished giving my nenek a bath. then i went to my nenek, hugged her, and whisper assalammualaikum... she just gave me a pat... no answer. then, like always, i whispered into her ear again, and told her 'nek, irfan nih, anak si ratna...' she patted again.... then suddenly she was mumbling, then she took a deep breath... and let out the first 2 very clear words that ive heard since i was there... 'Cucu ku... Cucu ku...' and tearing up at the same time... and guess what... i dont even care what ppl think... i cried. yes... a grown man. everytime i see her after not seeing her a while, she'd almost always touches my heart just knowng the fact that she'd remember me. then it was a short 4 - 5 mins conversation. i told her i just got back from kubur, and she said 'syukur la alhamdulillah'. then i apologized to her for not being there all the time as i was studying in KL, US, and now working in bintulu. then she said 'ndak apalah irfan... carik makan'. she smiled. i broke down. then i told her im now working in sarawak, then she said 'kawin sama orang sarawak la kau nih...' she smiled. i only laughed, 'and said i 'lambat2 lagi nek, kumpul duit dulu'.... then she smiled, 'bila mau kawin? tambah laa cicit nenek nnt'... and she laughed, with me sobbing, she still managed to crack a smile on my face... and i love her for that. there were some more, and then i whispered to her... 'nenek, mau dengar Al-fatihah?' and she nodded slightly... then i whispered her the Al-fatihah... tearing up... but held it in my best as i wanted to have a clear tajwid. then i kissed her forehead. and my last whisper to her was... 'nek... kalau ndak sempat nek... irfan mau minta maaf dulu nek. minta maaf untuk semua kesalahan jika ada. terima kasih byk2 la untuk semua nek. irfan sayang nenek.' at that time... she was just quiet, and patting me on the shoulders. i kissed her hands so many times, then kissed her once on the forehead, and on the cheek. even though she's 96 this year, she still has a nice soft skin. but... when its time... its time. then i stood up... looked behind, and saw her abled hand, rise up from the bad, and waved a goodbye... i dont even know if its going to be the last. and i left....
i remember, before i went to the states, i prayed to Allah, that He wont take away my nenek before i come back from the states... and now, im thinkin of praying to Him not to take her away while im working... and take her away while im by her side, holding her hand. but am i being selfish? i dont know... sometimes, i heard from my aunt, my nenek has already been talking to herself, saying 'tunggu mawar, ndak lama lagi, datang la aku.' and mawar is her little sister who passed away last year. and her smiling, while looking up, and when asked she'd say its my arwah grandfather, waiting for her to join him soon. i dont know anymore. all i know, i pray the best for her, i pray that Allah takes her peacefully, and let her be around those who are in iman. i wish i'd be there do when its time. but then... when its time... its time.
id always remember when she taught me to read the quran on sundays, and make me pisang goreng and her hot milked milo for me. even though i dont drink milked milo, for her, as long as she's happy to know im here for her... i dont mind. the times ive always smiled when i kiss her hand when she was still walking, and seemed smaller everytime i come and see her after a while. the time she had that argument with my mom for making me study in Alam Shah, or last hari raya when i told her, she's still the most beautiful woman in the family... she'd laugh. id remember the best i can about my dearest nenek... and thank her for all the good things she showed me, and be the most patient person no matter what happens. thank you... and i love you... my nenek.........
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