Done... for real.....

In the past few weeks, i've had so many mixed emotions, so many 'mixed' feelings as i told fera, so many great experiences. to be honest, it HAS been one of my most tiring weeks of the year, although i did not have any classes to attend. Yesterday, i've officially received my Bachelor of Science in Environmental Engineering. It was currently the happiest day of my life. period. but all that was spoiled for extensive heavy boxes, and i'm sorry to say, my boss MADE me work right after graduation, at 5. he didnt even say congratulations, and made me work, i couldnt go out celebrate with my friends, and left to smell like wings and cheese which honestly, a job i cant wait to quit, and not be in this business, insya Allah EVER again. this is another thing, when i'm done, two fingers up in the air, saying FUCK this place for having me WORK on graduation. yes people say let it go, what done is done, but this is a grudge i will hold on to for sometime. its like me getting married, and i was about to have my first nite with my wife, and suddenly being told 'Irfan, no one is covering for you? you cant find anyone? come to work now, plus, you're late...' that feeling is such a stabbing on the chest, not being able to celebrate one final time, with ALL my friends, especially the ones that i know i WONT ever be able to see again. yes i'm blaming you. you took away something i've looked forward for since i stepped into senior year, heck, i didnt even get to smoke my expensive cigars while chilling by the hill with sparkling wine(grape juice) relaxing, knowing this IS my BIGGEST achievement so far. Yes i still want to work, but NOT on my graduation day. a grudge i will always hold for a really really really long time.....

Right now, it feels like i'm crossing out my friends one by one from my image, saying our final goodbyes, final sorries, final hugs and kiss. some people may feel less emotional than i do, but that's me. I've struggled my ass off in this place, both in education, physically, heck, even mentally. fucked up relationships, fucked up friends, fucked up exams (these fucked ups arent referred to all) . i must say, having myself, walking on the stage, shaking the hands of my president, shirley ann jackson, and hugging my prof, my deparment buddies, for the last time, saying 'have a great life' was very emotional.

to the class of 2005, mainly abe, fera, rina, todi, sung, wanzaw, kerk, izzy, nadiah, lana-chan kakak yg comel, lyn, have been a great big part of my life here in RPI. I want to get to specifics... BUT, i'll save that for my final email of goodbye. :). Yes i do get emotional in saying goodbyes, usually i hold it, but hey, this time, its a REAL goodbye. one step to adulthood, plus, ive even had a conversation with rina's dad, how, even bestfriends would be different with time, and things arent as it used to be. but that's life. and yes... coming from an elder indivual, and i must say, a very positive one indeed... hehe... it IS so true.

for now, in compensating for my loss of graduation day celebration, hopefully i could hang out with my friends outdoor, sitting down under the slightly cloudy sky during a sunny day, smoking a cigar, with jazz and indon songs on the background, and share our last experience together relaxed, with NO rush, knowing that this would be the last time we could actually have this.

also, probably be hanging out with my american buds at their places before i leave. who knows, i could probably end up marrying one. YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!! hehehe. oh that'd be sooo sooo awesome.

Today, i managed to say my goodbye to Liz Widmeyer, tall girl, who has a bf who loves naruto, who drinks a lot, turns very very funny when she gets really drunk, and who wants to come visit me in Malaysia. and what a day of goodbye, i was standing outside with her, in the rain, adding to the mood, saying our final thoughts, and hugging her one last time, and saying to her, 'you have a great life'.

i want to go on with this more, but i'm going back on july 7th, so it is still to early. so, i will end this here for now, and just continue my thoughts on summer fishing with taroi, summer hiking with azfar, summer chillin' with abe, tod, ferr, sung, and ellias, summer cruisin with spencer. hopefully one summer fling with a freshmen crush. muahahahah. just kidding.

till then....

aku pulang... tanpa dendam....
ku terima... kehidupan ku....