Looking for a full time position....

Strange, just four years ago we were freshies, just still learning how to walk, how to live on campus. Now all that are just mere memories, and everyone seems to be fairly occupied updating their resumes, sharpening up their people skills, reading through career development center for job opportunities. I, myself am getting really swamped, with the career fair tomorrow, the mock interview this week, and Petronas interview coming right after in a month. The thought of stepping on the grounds of real world just makes me sad most of the times. no more games, no more play, no more fun.

I remember i had such strong affinity to work here in the US, and then come back to Malaysia to continue my obligation as a Petronas scholar. Now... its an issue that i cant seem to be sure of anymore. one of the biggest ambiguities i've ever faced and thought of.

Let's talk about benefits of working here, overseas. Wow, once you work here, and go back, people would look up to you, with you pelat english yo-yo. the possibilities of you going up faster than anyone else is wider. the technology and knowledge you bring back from overseas can never be better (is IT?). The life is somewhat lenient, you watch updated uncensored movies, you eat steaks instead of nasi lemak, you get to hang out with your white friends that seem to know almost everything, you get your 4 seasons instead of one rainy and one suffocating, people here are more educated, (as you can see i'm just throwing shit here), strip clubs are available after a hard day's work, and man, money talks. amazing isnt it?

But then, if you think about it, that's not everything. the fact that we struggled our ass off to get the scholarships to take us where we are now, we then have the guts to think that they probably cannot offer what we actually really want. obviously, working in petronas the probability of going up the ladder has a higher slope and takes way much more time. the fact that you'd probably burden your guarantor (i dont know how to spell the word) if you breach contract kills them because they had so much trust in you, (unless some back door is offered). the guarantors are also usually really close family, or family friend, that if any court involved, the relationship would probably start to deteriorate as well as their respect for you.

Not only that, quoting from my friend todi, no matter how you fit in the community of that particular country, you're still considered as an outsider. true? Plus... i dont know... it's just not... LIFE.

I want to work where i can LIVE. live as a person. where i hang out with my friends at night at a stall for tea or coffee. wake up on the weekend and decide if i would want roti canai or nasi lemak panas. Friends in overseas, aren't FRIENDS that i have. friends that you tell secrets to without being spilled. friends whod back you up when trouble is brewing, friends who'd take care of you if you suddenly end up without a home for a while, friends who'd listen and keep promises. something that i have rarely seen here.

I want to LIVE where families are there, Hari Raya you'd not be getting up late, and wear jeans or winter jacket during semayang Raya. LIVE where you know its not difficult. you could navigate through area easily, talk your way out of something without sweating, have normal easy conversations with pakcik2 kampung in cabs, no one smells like weed everywhere. Where you know, if your kids lived there, they'd be happy.

Work where if you misunderstand something, you'd still could whisper with your friends "aper dier ngarut tadik? story sket kat aku bleh?". Work where you drive back home with the beach on your side, fresh smell of the ocean, and knowing that you dont have to scrape ICE on your windshield. You're not an outsider, and most of all... its home. no matter which part of Malaysia you're in. it's still home. that's why i rarely get homesick when i'm in Malaysia. it's still home. it's still culture. it's great.

So... where do i want to work? I DONT KNOW.....