1 and a half months of new life.... while its only 2 months to go for another big step...

So here i am... sitting down in my small room in Kerteh. 

a bit cramped up compared to my previous life, and there are nights where i wake up in the middle of the night seeing a cockroach crawling joyfully just beside my pillow while i sleep... causing me to sleep with a small torchlight and a cockroach aerosol repellent by my side. 

it's not exactly the life i was expecting... but to be honest... its different and the fact that i get to see my lovely pregnant wife every week beats any roach that would like to take that away from me (spoken with a vengeance). 

like my lovely friend Ati always mention in her blog "of those KL drivers i dont get" and i'm compelled to mention one here. Being in Bintulu, i tend to drive chilled out. average speed 80 - 90 km/hr and a speed of which i know most people average out in Bintulu. the roads are terrible at times with potholes just ambush you from nowhere like a sinkhole in Chile. 

But when i started to drive here... if there is one thing i dont get... why do people drive here at average speed 110 - 120 km/hr in KERTEH & PAKA only. Reasons not to drive that fast:-

1. Seriously people, its only Kerteh and Paka. There's only one freaking main road. You either drive up or down to work. no curves, no turns, nothing. and vice versa when you're heading home. ONE MAIN ROAD. What's the freaking rush??

2. Seriously people, the roads are amazingly smooth, no idiots who stop in the middle of the highway to pick up passengers, why drive so carelessly?? 

3. Seriously people, I've heard of random animals (huge one, ie:- cows and wild boars) crossing the main road. it sure sucks to hit them at a speed 100 km/hr or more. so why drive so aggressively?

other than that, working is a bliss so far. and i dont wanna jinx it. motivation is such at a high level i can't even care much what others say about this place. I'm loving it so far. and having an established movie theater just 2 minutes drive for my place.... nuff said. 

2 more months....

Well... if there is one thing i havent mentioned in my writings so far... I'm going to be a father. and yes... only 2 months to go. 

there are times when i look at the mirror, or when im driving, while listening to Foo Fighters, Bob Marley, or Beastie Boys, it makes me wonder what kind of dad i'm gonna be. My wife's pretty chilled about it, which is good. I bought some books for her, and read some. while for myself, i bought "Dude, you're gonna be a Dad" as i thought the language spoke to me. 

i keep wondering, am i financially stable and prepared for my baby to come to this world? 

or is this world even stable as it is for my baby to come to this world? There are times that's going through my head to tell my wife to just hold the baby in for a little while until the world gets better... 

but in reality... it doesnt. and love it or not, its something coming... and all i can do i teach my child to be a great loving, motivated individual. 

will i be a great dad? i sure hope so. and i also found out that i'll be having a baby girl. and then, it hit me. and slowly... i understood... why Dad's are so protective of their little girls. i know im just stretching it, but i've already imagined boys oogling while i make that grumpy Dad face, or whenever she introduces a boy to both my wife and i at our home, i'm so urged to say "wait a minute honey, let me get my machete from our room". 

i've met people who've said, "The biggest change in my life was not the being married part, the biggest change in my life was when i had my first child". and in this case, i'm starting to really feel it. 

I do still wonder what do people think when they take look at me and find out i'm gonna be a dad. the guy with the spiked hair, cargo shorts, and his surfer tshirts. weirdly, i dont care. all i care is the unlimited love im giving to my little girl and the mother who's carrying it. 

Dear Daddy's little girl, 

(in my Sabah accent), Daddy doakan both your Mama and I akan jadi great parents to you and that you'll grow up jadi urang yang baik, cerdik, and contribution to Islam & society. Amin.