locusts???.......

okay... i dont think i'm seeing things... BUT lately... honestly... i've been seeing a LOT of locusts here in Bintulu. it's not like there's a huge swarm of them coming in buzzing, eating the trees and crops and all the plants here. but honestly, weirdly... i have been seeing a number of them in so many places.

i remember one of God's wrath upon unbelievers and sinners was having locusts eat their crops and anything eatable by them. So it did got me thinking a bit. although there's no crops here in Bintulu, but there is an abundance of kelapa sawit... they might eat those. or heck, maybe even our clothes. scary seriously.

i hope it's just a coincidence.

How to defend yourself from a zombie attack....

okay... seriously... i bumped into this like SUPERCOOL website, and honestly i dont even care how dorky u might think i am coz i think you'd definitely think it's like super cool as well.

it's this website called HowStuffWorks, and everyday, when i surf that site, there's always like a super cool fact, like top 10 computer virus of all time (they taught me how does the Trojan Virus worked... HAH! bet most of you didnt know that!!snort), Top 10 scariest hotels of all time, and the coolest thing of all... i bumped into this one when i was about to sleep after sahur. yes people... sahur is important. one gulp is still good enough.

but anyway... about the website... i bumped into 'How Zombies Work'.

like seriously man... they know it kinda doesnt actually exist, but they researched it anyway!! now seriously... how awesome is that. i have a soft spot for zombies u know. always imagined what would it be like if there's like a zombie attack and you're like running away from a throng of them and you're like the only 20% people in that area who were still alive trying to figure out how to save mankind (my guess is definitely to procreate... A LOT).

a brief history summarized by Moi on zombies.

turns out guys, this zombie thing actually comes from Haiti. the word 'zombie' could've possibly been derived from the haitian word 'jumbie' meaning 'ghost' or nzambi from the congo word meaning 'spirit of the dead person'.

i actually think it might've been derived from a group of delinquents where one of them looks like a retard and coincidentally his name is zabie, or jomie or something, and his gang was having fun by saying 'duuuude... that stupid guy's pulling a zabie!!' of course in haitian slang which probably sounds so much cooler which created a tipping point that eventually created the word in the dictionary later on... hence... zombie. yeah... i think mine's more convincing. and yo... stop pulling a zabie while you're reading this... sheesh.

and well basically, the 'bokor' or the sorceress poison this individual until their reach a coma state like dead... u know, like Romeo & Juliet thing... where Juliet drinks that fake potion thing (another thought crossed my mind on this). yeah... and so when the person drinks that, they wake up in the grave only to be dugged out by the sorceress dude who in the end claim they brought them back to life so they have to devote their life to him. so yess... that the short summary of zombie history.

now, if in god's green earth, one day, there's really is a zombie attack, like the ones in the movies... what do you have to do? (the ones in italic are my own thoughts)

1. Don't panic. (yeah right, try having a horde of zombies, probably your own mom or kid trying to eat you up. try not panicking in that zone of mind)

2. Get away from the zombies. Most of the time, you can move faster than they can. (unless if the zombie version of the new Dawn of the Dead or 28 days later. if you're not fit... i consider you excess luggage man. so start working out!)

3. Gather food, water, an emergency radio, flashlights and weapons, and retreat to a secure location. (this is really important. radio to look for signs of life, flashlight to find out where you're pooping, weapons to crack open the can of food coz obviously, in these dire times... you cant find a can opener. i wonder how'd they do it on tv. there u go... one more on the list... a swiss knife!)

4. If possible, retreat to a shopping mall, general retail store or other location where you'll have easy access to food and supplies. (oh man... if i was a kid... this would be heaven. all the toys, the DVDs, man. well actually, if i was an adult too, that would still be pretty damn cool. can you imagine being stuck in something like Midvalley Megamall?? AWESOME!)

5. Stay away from densely populated areas, where the infestation is likely to be heaviest. (well i dont have to worry much then... Bintulu's probably a bit too lame for the zombies to live in)

6. Barricade all entrances and stay put at all costs. (dude.. have you even SEEN a zombie movie? they'd get through ANYWAY sooner or later!!)

7. Don't get surrounded or backed into a corner or other enclosed space. (at this point, just think of, being bitten by zombies is relative... it's not a virus, it's just evolution, and you're being proactive. that way, even if you're a zombie , you're probably zombie-CEO material)

8. Remember that anyone bitten or killed by a zombie will become a threat to you and your party. (i believe this man... u dont wanna see you're own little baby suddenly running around looking like a gremlin who ate after midnite... no sir you dont)

9. Wait patiently for rescue and make long-term preparations for your survival. (may i suggest burn all the dead or rip out their clothes to make a hug 'X' sign, or if you have more access something that reads 'Help I am a Survivor', or 'you come pick me up and i give you good lovin')

Of course... dont go into the common mistakes guys...
1. Sheltering in a vehicle to which you do not have the keys

2. Leaving blades, cudgels or other basic weapons out for zombies to find

3. Teaching zombies how to use firearms (this would be so funny)

4. Giving your only weapon to anyone who is hysterical (i suggest bring a zombie dvd movie with you as a surviving guide as well... it helps)

5. Retreating to a basement or cellar without taking supplies with you (OR a can opener!!)

6. Getting into an elevator in a building infested with zombies (go into the see through elevator, and some keroncong song pops out while you see them eating your bestfriend isnt exactly relaxing)

7. Letting personal feelings and arguments get in the way of survival (reality TV applies as well, maybe try form an alliance, and vote one person to be the scapegoat for you to run away if they get hysterical (refer to point no. 4))

See... there's something you probably dont know much about zombies before. HAH! who's the dork now!!!???